Peace

It is interesting the mix of the emotion I have had the last little while. Something that seemed ever present in my pregnancies with Ryker and Jacob, and even looking back now with Lilly, there was such a feeling of something being wrong with my baby. I even had a serious breakdown with Ryker, at 17 weeks, when I just felt such feelings of utter sadness that there was something wrong with my baby. When I found out I was pregnant with this little gal, I felt immense and instant feelings of peace. Those lasted a few days, and then I was left with feelings of fear, of what could/would happen? And then this last week, I have fought with feelings of peace and fear. But I know/feel like the feelings of fear come from the dark forces of this world, while the feelings of peace come from the prayers and comfort of those of this world and the angels that attend to us. So I am clinging to those feelings of peace, and trying my best to do what I can to entertain those feelings. And I feel the strength of the prayers from every person that kindly remembers us in their thoughts and prayers. I am not sure what will come next Monday. But I know that I will be okay regardless. Our appointment is at 10 am next Monday. This little girl will be loved regardless of what we are faced with (and hopefully not faced with.) I will still have my moments of anxiety/fear, but I will turn to my Heavenly Father and to Mike, and will find the peace to get through. I have also started a little blanket for this sweet princess, and that helps to keep my hands and mind busy. I will not update again until next Monday, so please keep us in your prayers for this 18 week ultrasound. Thank-you, from the bottom of our hearts.

I also have found some IMMENSE peace from this song. 

Getting Through

We are down to exactly 2 weeks until we go to Perinatology, to see what the future holds for our little miss. Although this is not the fetal echocardiogram, it is the major step in seeing (hopefully) 4 chambers of the heart (as well as checking everything else out). As this looms closer, I feel more and more nervous. I can stay distracted (mostly) when my boys are awake, but in the evenings, I start to think, start to worry, and it gets to me. I have been just busting out in tears, without much of a push, partly because of the hormones, but a lot in part because of the absolute anxiety of this. I love this baby so much, and just want her to be okay. I am praying my heart out, but I need the assistance of asking for as many prayers as possible, for not only for this little baby to be okay, but for me (and Mike) to be able to find peace. And if you have any ideas or projects, please share. I need all the distractions I can get. 

It's a......

We had a chance this week to find out what we are having. It may seem silly to get excited about what we are having, but finding out is about the only normal step we have during pregnancy, and so we just really wanted to celebrate what we are having, and focusing on the fun of that. My OB's office offers a free 15-18 week scan, so we scheduled the ultrasound. Two days before, one of my Labor and Delivery friends took a look, and our baby was not bashful about showing off. I still wanted to take a second look, so at the ultrasound, the tech started scanning. And after just a minute, she said "well this little one is not bashful." The tech showed us the picture, and sure enough, our baby was sitting there, bum in the air with the perfect view. 

We are so excited! This is our last baby (biologically at least), and we are praying this little gal is healthy. We have a name picked out for her (not 100% for sure, but pretty sure). We have a little over two weeks and then we will find out if all is well, when perinatology takes a thorough look. We tried to look and see if there were 4 chambers, but I had a large fibroid that was blocking the view of the heart. So we wait, and pray, that this sweet baby girl will be healthy.