Just Call Me Silly

You know how much I love contests. And you know how much I love to win. So here is another one, although a lot smaller scale than others, it would still be exciting to win. I know I am biased, and I know that not everyone may think Collin is way cute, but we just adore him. There is a really fun contest going on over at wildfire for three different prizes. They all are canvased pictures, with them using a picture of your choice. These are not cheap, and it would be kind of fun to be able to win. Alls you have to do is vote for Collin. Just click HERE and vote for Collin. See, nice and easy!!!

Our Seven Month Old

Our Happy Guy!!!

I can not believe Collin is already seven months. It just flies by so quickly. We are finalizing the week of October the 12th, and his sealing is October 16th. He learned how to crawl about 3 weeks ago, and it never ceases to amaze me how big he is getting. I swear I have never seen a happier baby. Yesterday he could not stop squealing in delight and showing off his adorable triple dimples. I love how angelic he looks when asleep.
I love the snuggles when he is tired or hungry. He likes to hold his bottle a lot, but we try not to push it and hold it for him most of the time, hanging on to the few baby moments we have. He seems to always be crashing into things (I guess that goes hand-in-hand with a new crawler!) On Sunday alone, he bonked his head 4 times. Collin loves to play with his toys, and just crawl/roll around and reach for other ones. He enjoys being read to, but would like you to read while he sucks on the books and turns the pages:)!

Gracie and Collin hanging out!

Collin also loves to hang out with cousins and Grandparents. I think the cousins have the slight advantage because the two that live in Utah currently are girls, and he loves the girls, from newborn to the little 93 year old lady at church! I stole this picture from my sister-in-laws blog, but it is just too cute of Gracie and Collin to not share!!!


He still takes about 2 to 3 naps a day, and is getting pretty good at soothing himself to sleep as needed. He weighs in at about 18 pounds, and for height and weight loves to hang out in the median percentile of about 50-60% (quite honestly I do not get into the numbers since I have learned that each child is different and grows differently, especially with heart kids.) Collin loves Skip, and Skip seems to love Collin. I always worried how the"first baby" would react to a real baby that was here 24/7. But they are the best of friends, with Skip unknowingly making Collin laugh and giggle whenever he does something in the least bit amusing.

Sitting and waiting patiently to be fed!!!

Collin loves food, and grunts at you when he wants some (or a toy.) We are starting to teach him a few signs, so hopefully that will help him communicate a little better. Collin will chew/suck on EVERYTHING, which than causes a drool fest, so it is just something we just deal with. He is such a sweet heart, and really, we could not be happier. He will be an only child for a little while, and although I am trying to not be selfish, I have to be somewhat selfish so that I can lose weight and be healthier before another comes along. Plus, we always want Collin to realize how special he is to us, that genetics are not all that important to us, and just want to be able to spend the one-on-one time with our little sweetheart.
(*Sorry for the quality of pictures: our camera's flash died so eventually we will get it fixed or just have to replace it!*)

Just have to put in a plug for our adoption fundraiser. I'm not sure how well we will do but any support is appreciated! I'd better sign off and get to work on making some cute burp clothes and finishing some quilts! Hopefully we will see a few of there Saturday!!!

Adoption Fundraiser

I realize that a lot of people adopt, and a lot of people have some very expensive adoptions (legal wise, that is!) We feel blessed to not have to fight any family members for custody and such, but adoption still is not cheap. We are really realizing this, so after some thoughts about what to do, we have decided to do an adoption fundraiser. So this Saturday, starting at 8:00 am in American Fork, we will be having an adoption fundraiser. We will have food, homemade quilts and blankets, kids clothing, car seat cover-ups, decorations for your home, more food, bows/headbands, and so much more!!!! So please come and show your support.

*If you are interested in donating household items or any baked goods, please e-mail me at littleforeverfamily@gmail.com. We are grateful for any donations! Remember: someone else's junk is another man's treasure!!! Spread the word!!!

Baby Steps

My week is coming to an end. I feel like I am making baby steps toward a healthier way of life. I also feel that if I am somewhat accountable for what I have done or what I have not, I will do better, thus I will become healthier faster. I apologize in advance, because I know this is probably boring to most of you but it is something I need to do. I did two days of the Body 4 Change program, and another day of cardio exercise. I probably should have exercised more, but I know that next week will be better. But the biggest change is food. Again, no, I was not perfect. I still partook in that scrumptious cookie at my sister-in-laws shower along with one piece of the yummy homemade white bread. And yes, today I may have had another chocolate chip cookie. But in looking back at my old habits, I probably would have had at least two cookies at the shower (along with partaking the other scrumptious looking desserts!), probably three pieces of white bread, and probably have eaten both of the cookies that were on the dessert plate today. But I did eat a lot more fruits, a lot more veggies, and I probably drank a couple of gallons of water. The biggest achievement is that I have not had a drink if pop since Monday. For those of you who know me well, you would understand how big that is. It is a hard adjustment to go off breads, pastas, sugars, pops, when in the past these have been essentially food groups for me. It is changing my mind set that food is pleasure, when food is supposed to be something that gives energy and nourishes the body. I just never would have guessed that food was such an emotional part of my life. There is still a HUGE part of me that screams that I need to eat something, when it is just because I am not really hungry, just bored or it is just the time I normally would have had a dessert. So I am going to make two goals for nest week. The first is that I will exercise 5 times, and the second is that I will do better at not succumbing to the sweets. Hopefully next week will continue to be an improvement. Thank-you to all of you who have shown such support. It means a lot to me.

Mourn With Those That Mourn

*I just want to pre-warn you that this is a somewhat sad post. It also has some pictures of Ryker after he had passed away. I promise my next post will be warm and friendly.*

With both Lilly's and Ryker's funerals, one of the most touching parts was walking into the Chapel and seeing so many who loved us and who loved our children, to see them all there, supporting us and loving us. I am a firm believer to "mourn with those that mourn." I do not enjoy funerals. I especially do not enjoy funerals of little ones. But I have been taught to mourn with others when they are mourning.

Our wonderful Mothers, trying their best to take the ache away.

I think it would have been very sad if I had walked into the chapel those two times and seen only a few people. It is already a time when you feel alone, you feel an ache for the loved ones you have lost. When you lose a child, you feel the ache along with the ache of empty arms.

My best friend Courtney and best friend Abby holding Ryker.

The day Lilly passed away, all of our close friends and family surrounded us for a day and a half. With Ryker, although it was very quick, all of our family/friends rushed the long way to Primary's to make it there. Some of them did not make it in time. Besides my Mom, Mike and I, nobody held Ryker alive. So after he had passed, it was their first time to hold our little miracle in their arms.

Mike, Ryker, and his two sisters.

And although it was especially hard for many, they came to mourn with us.
Today was another funeral. The good thing I can say about this funeral is that it is only the third this year from our heart group. How sad my life has become to think that only 3 children's funerals is a small number.

My sister and her husband holding Ryker for the first time.

Prior to Lilly's funeral, I had only ever been to one other child's funeral and it was my 4 year old cousin that sadly drowned. This sweet Princess is Cali Orrock. She was also born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. She was just 7 days old when she earned her wings. I took Collin with me. I showed him the sweet princess. I will never attend a funeral without him. While so many of us were sad and emotional, he was happy, and playful, and just kept looking around. I know that he was seeing others that we could not. I was envious, envious to be able to see the many angels I know were in attendance. Every time the tears would come, he would start to giggle or make faces, and I could not be sad with that. The spoken words were comforting, the music peaceful. And Collin made many smile through the tears. I find it interesting to go to other's funerals, because I think "oh, I love that they did that!" (I hope I never have to plan another funeral, but if I did, I would definitely have a butterfly release!) Little Cali's graveside service was very tender. I loved that they blew bubbles and released a butterfly for each day that she was alive. And the tender words spoken brought many the peace that was and is needed. Anyways, I just wanted to share some thoughts and feelings. I hope you all did not find this too depressing. Like I said, I promise I will make the next post a happy one.

Sometimes the Little Things Matter

I feel like since this picture, I have learned a lot and grown a lot. We were so young. We had the world at our feet. I never would have even guessed that nearly five years later that we would have buried two children, and be about to finalize an adoption on our third. With both Lilly and Ryker, they taught us a lot. A lot of what they taught us has stuck with us each day, but sometimes we need the gentle reminders of the little things. You see, little things add up to big things. I accidentally hurt someone's feelings today. I did not mean too. I hope that no one ever does. I can make excuses, but it still leaves someone hurting. I tried apologies, but the apologies did no good. It was something little, but like I said, sometimes the little things add up to big things. I hate having people upset at me. I may get mad, but I do not stay upset long. I get over it. I guess I forget people are not all the same.
The other little things that matter are family. I sometimes struggle with this. I am not always the best wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I try, sometimes harder than other times. With Lilly and Ryker, each day, every minute, even every second we had them was miraculous.

Holding my little princess for the first time. Truly amazed at her strength.

Those small moments add up to the days, weeks, and eventually the small window of time that we had with them. I miss them. I miss them everyday. But going what we went through forced me to grow. Growth can hurt. But with that hurt, comes something bigger. We begin to do things we never thought possible. We said goodbye to Lilly.

Amazed at what out little fighter was doing. What a miracle!

One year and one month later, we said goodbye to Ryker. Saying goodbye a second time seemed like the most impossible thing we ever had to do. Collin is in our home because we stepped out of what we knew and embraced the unknown of adoption. I am stepping out of my comfort zone, pushing myself like I have never pushed myself, attempting to become something I have known in a long time: a happier healthier me (and I must say being able to find jeans that fit will be a miracle!
What I am trying to say is this: although we are told to not sweat the small stuff, isn't the small stuff what makes up the big stuff? I think that being kind in the big picture starts by being kind with the smaller things. I hope this makes sense. It might not, but that's okay.

Under Construction

Just an FYI before you look twice, I am changing some things on our blog. I will still post but the look of the blog is under construction! Maybe I will do a giveaway once it is up and running to it's full capacity!!! See you soon!

Inspiration: Day 1

I started blogging on my other blog about my weight loss journey, but maybe I should post some of the things on here. I will not be talking about now much I weigh on here, but basically my journey. Before I started dating Mike, my sister Heather and I had a personal trainer. I may have weighed 168 when I started dating Mike, but I was in really good shape. I felt good and in my opinion looked pretty good. When I got married, I weighed about 172. I am not sure what caused the weight gain during my first year of marriage, but I gained 32 lbs that first year of my marriage. I make no excuses, I made some poor choices in food, I did not exercise, just did not try. Not too long after, I got pregnant. I delivered Lilly, and after she was born, dropped back down to a few pounds less than before I had gotten pregnant. 3 1/2 months later (after Lilly was born) I was pregnant once more. Another baby, seven weeks of stress, I had only managed to lose 12 pounds of the 27 pounds I had put on. I tried to lose weight, tried to eat better, but every time I would fail, I would give up. Here I am now, ready to pick myself back up, and do it. No longer trying, doing it.

Today was hard. I will be honest, it was HELL (hence the name, Hell week!) It was so hard. When I got there, I had to place the army vest with weights on, and start moving. Once everyone got there, we got started. The first exercise was called the mountain climber. Halfway through, I felt as if I could not longer move my legs. I just kept going. After a few laps, we headed outside for some lunges. I was always the last to finish, but the important point was I did finish. The hardest part was our endurance exercise. We had to go up and down a dirt path with wooden stairs that climbed up and down the side of a hill. This was really hard with my asthma. I kept going, and one of the wonderful parts of this little training group is that we cheer each other on. I am the biggest girl in our group, but I am okay with that. My prayer is that I move downward, that I become one of the healthier ones. It will be hard to go back, and push myself to continue, but I have to do this. I am sitting here watching The Biggest Loser, seeing what I do not want to ever be. This is my turning point.

My Weight Loss Journey

I have to just add a disclaimer for this picture and say that it is Mike's LEAST favorite picture
for some very obvious reasons, but it is MOTIVATION for me to do some and change!!!

Sometimes I feel like my battle with weight and love of food is much like an addiction and an addicts behavior. I have spurts where I do so well, and spurts where I fall off the wagon and regress back to no exercise and lots of yummy sweets. I am ADDICTED to carbs. Bread, cupcakes, cakes, pies, did I mention bread?, Oreos: I love them all. But sadly, they love me a little too well. This is a VERY sensitive topic with me. Not one I enjoy talking openly about, but I am realizing that something is going to have to change. Our sealing is one month away this week, and our trip to Cancun is just a little over one month after that. These are both EXCELLENT reasons to need to get into shape, ASAP! But I need more than just to lose some weight and look good: I need to get healthy. I have perfect cholesterol levels, perfect blood pressures, perfect all that. But I want to stay that way. I want to be healthy for my family, for me. Having my first two kids one year and nine days apart really threw my body for a loop. I tried the HCG diet for 15 days, and although many may feel it is a great choice, it is not the choice for me. I just know there is a healthier way for me (notice that I am saying for me, because for others it may be the right way to go!) So what do I do? Where do I find the perfect balance, of wanting to eat the yummy foods but needing to lose the weight? I find myself doing so well exercising for awhile and than just not putting forth the effort. There are many who say that "nothing tastes so good as skinny" but I have to wonder if they have had some of the AMAZING foods that I have partaken in. Most of the recipes I grew up on were filled with heavy whipping creams and butter. These foods are delicious, but they have added to my waist line. So I think I am going to take a dramatic leap. I have done Weight Watchers, and done personal training, both things that I felt good doing. So I am going to try a blend. The food plan of weight watchers, and getting a personal trainer of sorts. I will end off now, but my journey will continue over at my weight loss blog. It is hard to share something so personal, but I will do it. Come cheer me on, and share in my goals. Help me do it!!!

Creative Mondays

This super-cute tutu is too cute!!! I love how fluffy it is, and can not wait to try it out (I've always wanted to make one but never really got around to it!) The cool thing is that it has the waist recommendations for all sizes of little girls (preemies and beyond!) Head on over to THIS blog for this super-cute tutorial!

IHH Fun-Run/Walk

You may think this picture is of the beautiful Utah mountains, but really it is so much more than that. If you double click, you'll see some BEAUTIFUL butterflies ascending into the skies.

Today was the Intermountain Healing Hearts Fun Walk/Run. It was wonderful, and just such a great way to spend our morning. We arrived at about 8:45 to get everyone finished with registration and for a chance to say hi to some of our buddies.

My funny sister and her hubby.

We started the heart walk/run at 9:30 and did our mile (the reason for only having everyone do a mile is because a lot of heart kiddos and adults with CHD's sometimes are limited by physical activity so one mile is perfect!) The turn-out was incredible, with about 600 showing up this year!!!

He is just such a sweet and happy baby.

After our group picture, we had the angel tribute. This is always a part that although I love, it is extremely hard. The first picture is part of the angel tribute: we released butterflies to honor each and every heart angel. We spoke each of the heart angels name. Mike spoke Ryker's, I spoke Lilly's. I have to also add that this year hit closer to home and a little harder because we had each family stand up front, and instead of just seeing the empty arms of the heart Moms, you could see the empty arms of the Dads, the brothers and sisters, and it just broke my heart. I also mourned the thought of our kids and others not knowing their angel brothers and sisters on this earth. Just makes it really hard. After all the names of each angel was spoken, we released the butterflies. It was such a beautiful sight to watch the butterflies leave our hands and fly away.



It really breaks my heart to be part of the heart angel group, but I am grateful to have so many friends to support everyone. Paul Cardall's music played in the backround, and it just made the tribute perfect. We had the option to make a poster for our CHD child, and just seeing all of the many heart angel posters is just hard, because many of the little one's were there when we were, fighting too for their little precious angels.

Our sleepy little guy.

They had the raffle and although we did not win, it was great to participate in the fun. Overall, just a HUGE success and for all of those who put it together I just want to say thank-you.

We can not wait for next years!!! And a special thanks to our family who came to support, it meant a lot to us. Anyways, I need to sign off, but just for one last picture to honor our heart angel.

Ryker, we love you and know that watch over us. We know there are hard days to come, but we know you will help us to get through the hard days. We love you and are so grateful for the 9 months and seven weeks that you gave us hope. We honor you today.

Heart Walk

It's finally here! You can still register and come and participate! Here's the info via the president of IHH and a fellow angel Mom from her blog!
"Walk for Healing Hearts" will take place on Saturday, September 12, 2009 at the Riverview Park in Provo, Utah. This is the same location that it was held last year and since it worked out so well, why move it? Event starts promptly at 9:30 a.m. with same-day registration beginning at 8:00 a.m.

Early Registration is currently underway until August 26, 2009. To participate the registration fee is $10.00 per person or $50.00 per immediate family. The registration fee includes receiving a t-shirt for the event. There is no registration fee required for those to participate with a CHD(s).

The "Walk for Healing Hearts" event includes:

• One Mile Walk along the side of those wonderful Heart Hero's.
• Angel Ceremony to recognize those IHH Heart Hero's that have lost their battle, but remain in our hearts forever to never be forgotten! Like my daughter, Hope.
• Wonderful Door Prizes! (Must be present to win).
• Goody bags for the kids (while quantities last).
• Great time socializing with others while supporting and promoting CHD Awareness!

The proceeds from this walk benefit the programs that Intermountain Healing Hearts, a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization administers. Those programs include: Hospital Care Bags, CHD Awareness Display Table at Primary Children's Medical Center, located in Salt Lake City, Utah and CHD Awareness Activities during CHD Week (February 7-14), Intermountain Healing Hearts Social Activities to help bring families affected by CHD together (both Heart Hero's living and Angels) to foster a feeling of belonging, Funeral Flowers/Plant, Youth Heart Camp at Camp Wapiti, and the IHH Tree for the Festival of Tree's.

So gather your family and friends to support Intermountain Healing Hearts "Walk for Healing Hearts" by registering at www.intermountainhealinghearts.org. If you can not attend, but would like to donate to this wonderful cause, donations can be made either electronically through PayPal or checks can be mailed to: IHH, PO Box 381306 Salt Lake City, UT 84158. Donations are tax deductible applicable by the rules the IRS has established concerning 501(3)(c) organizations.

Without your support, none of these programs would be made available to help those affected by CHD's.

I look forward to seeing you there, It will be a BLAST!

I Know, a Lot of Posting!

I just had to share one more thing for the day (there are two other posts, the first being the heinous car accident that happened outside our house and the second is the glorious news of fellow CHD heart friend receiving the miracle of life via a donated heart!) Collin has been growing too fast for my liking. He rolls a ton in his crib and when put down on the floor. He had just recently started supporting himself on his hands so we knew crawling was around the corner. Well today, Collin started crawling (*sniff, sniff*.) He seems to do GREAT with crawling backwards, but still is working on really coordinating the front crawl. Makes us laugh at how he moves around! I will post a picture/video as soon as our camera is working once more!!!

Wonderful News

Our very talented friend Paul Cardall (who happens to also have a CHD) just got his long awaited heart!!!! I seriously have tears of joy in my eyes for this amazing husband and father to be given this second chance at life! It just is incredible, and I have goosebumps just running up and down my arms!!! This is amazing! Click HERE to be linked to his blog. His music is wonderful and there are so many praying for him (and will continue to pray for him!) and just excited for this miracle today.

Crazy Drivers

When Mike got up this morning to go the United Ways Day of Caring in Provo, Collin thought it would be cute if he too awoke at 6:50. He did not stay up too long, and was laid back down by 7:35. I like to read a little before falling back asleep, and was just dozing off when I heard a sound that reminded me of either A) a gun going off, B)someone opening and slamming our back door, or B) an explosion in the distance. Skip freaked out, so I too freaked out. I got up and searched my house, listening for anything that was off from the normal. I checked to make sure all doors were locked, but since everything checked out, I went back to bed but just felt this nervous unease. Skip laid back down (just a clarification here: Skip seems to sense things, and so when I am scared or nervous about something, I look to see his reactions and let them be my guide. He is a VERY smart dog) so I too tried to lay back down, but just still felt such an unease. A second later I heard a cop car in the distance and so I grabbed a sweatshirt and ran outside (mind you without any shoes!) I was shocked when I walked out. There was a girl out in the road, and there was a guy with blood everywhere running around. I looked at the neighbor's front yard and saw an older model car with it's front hood wrapped around the recently chopped tree's trunk. The passenger's side of the front windshield had a whole cracked out of it, in the perfect shape of someone's head. My neighbor was in the front yard, and the cop cars started pulling up, along with ambulance, paramedics, and the fire department. I'm not sure what happened to make the couple crash, but it is not exactly a common place that would or could be hit, since you would have to be aiming to drive into a ditch the way the car was situated. The couple could have been in a fight, but more than likely the chances are better that either alcohol or drugs were involved. I am just glad that the stump was there, because there is an electric pole behind the stump, and I fear they would have knocked that down and also run into our neighbor's house. One of the cops was the same cop that responded when I got hit last week. (Don't worry, the fifteen passenger van just backed into our back passenger side door and scratched above the back wheel, and only shook up Collin and I a bit.) Needless to say, I may need a nap today.

Creative Monday

Click here for the cream ruffled hair accessory.

Click here for the blue silk flowered hair accessory.

So, I jumped the boat and did something I have not done since I was in high school: I permed my hair!!! I know, it's crazy, and especially right now because I am in the "2-day-no-washing-your-hair-phase" and so it just smells like the permanent. Weird fact: they used to use a machine that shocked the hair (and even the customer!) to get hair to curl, yikes!!! So in honor of the dramatic switch, my creative post for this Monday is a hair accessory craft that I have not tried yet, but will be trying soon since my sister wants both for her 18th birthday in November. So get your craft on, and try this super cute craft out (I'm thinking of trying the look out myself, just not sure yet since I am nearing the 26 year mark and I'm not sure I can pull the look off!)

A Family In Need

Click HERE to view the Strickland's Blog

As you know, during times of crisis, it is a great strength to have someone to talk to and share in the small joys, but also to be there as a support. When we found out about Ryker's heart condition, the heart group that we are a part of now was not up and running quite yet. So when we delivered, we kind of made our own little support group at Primary's (very unofficial, pretty much just talking and offering support to those other heart families on the PICU floor.) One of these dear friends are the Strickland family. Their little guy is Mason- a true and living miracle. I will not go into the specifics, but I will just say that being undiagnosed before birth with an HLHS baby is scary, but it is even scarier to go home, not even knowing there is anything wrong with your baby and have your baby crash while on the way to the hospital. Mason went into heart failure this summer, and so they started the paperwork/blood-work/tests so that they could list him for a heart. Well today, they were given the devastating news that Mason will not be a candidate for a transplant. This is very hard news, and they are having a fast this weekend. So if you could keep them in your prayers and thoughts, I know that they will feel the strength necessary to face all of this.