Thank Heaven for Grace.

This is from a dear friend's blog called The Errand of Angels. It is a group of amazing women who are spiritual giants and feed the soul and mind, with ideas and thoughts. I love the site, and thank-you Emily for being such a wonderful friend. I will post later about Ryker's and Lilly's birthdays. It has been a rough week and a half and I am literally emotionally exhausted. I love my niece's name: Grace. I also love the meaning. So enjoy the food for the soul and watch the uplifting video. The pictures and music are inspiring!

Ryker

One year ago today, our breath was taken away by the beautiful baby that was being wheeled into our room. He came so unexpectedly. We went in because Ryker was not moving, and in a 10 hour period had only kicked twice. They monitored him for hours, and finally decided to go ahead an deliver him via c-section.

Here is a picture of our beautiful pouty boy, bugged because there was a light in his face.

This is a picture of us soothing Ryker.

Our first family picture. Right after this I started to get sick, and Ryker started screaming, the kind where you are thinking about the migraines coming your way from such a high-pitched loud scream (his APGARS were 8 and 9!!) So away he went to Primary's where after being dosed with the prostaglandins, had to be intubated.

My first time seeing Ryker at Primary's.

Here is a picture of Mike holding him, the morning of his surgery. Sadly, this was the last time Mike held him, until we were holding him while he passed away. Ryker went into surgery around seven and did not come out till after 2:00 in the afternoon. It was a long day.

This is Ryker right after surgery. He was swollen and puffy. It was very difficult to see him after.

Ryker loved his stuffed horse Barley. Barley usually was used to prop up Ryker's arm , legs and breathing tube. But Ryker's favorite use of Barley was to have him in arm's reach and stroke Barley's main. A well-loved stuffed toy horse.

This is one of his favorite Aunt's coming to visit him. He is showing off his scar to her. So many of Ryker's family would come to sit with him and stroke his hair. He would just sit and stare at them, and a lot of times just snooze through the visit.

Ryker loved to be snuggled in his blankets!

Here is a picture of me holding Ryker. This was right before I quickly handed him back. He was okay for about a whole minute before he let us know of his displeasure. It was the greatest moment for me. I had not held him for 6 weeks. It was wonderful being a Mom.

This picture was taken the day before Ryker passed away. He was just so beautiful, and we mourn him and long to see him again. We love him so much and wish we could have been celebrating his first birthday with him. We love you Ryker!!!

2 Years Today

Two years ago today, in the wee hours of the morning, our lives were changed forever. Our sweet Lilly came into this world fighting . Lilly did not stop fighting. She loved her family and loved to be near them. She loved to be held so much that so often many a family member would come to stay the night and would hold her, so that we could get some sleep. She was adored by all who were blessed to be able to come into her presence. We feel blessed that we were able to give her a body and just pour the love out on her. The picture of Mike is probably the happiest I have ever seen him. He adored Lilly and was so proud to be her Dad. After work, knowing how physical and emotionally drained I was, he would send me out to do something for myself. Shortly after birth, Mike gave Lilly a beautiful blessing, and there was not a dry eye in the room. She had so much hair and we loved to put headbands on her. She loved Christmas music. I would go and pick up Mike and I would have Christmas music on. He would get in and change it to country and she would start her wee little mew to have him change it back. As soon as he did, she was yet again a happy girl. We miss her soo much, and long to again be with her. Death no longer holds the same dread. We look forward to being able to hold her someday!

Also, I feel blessed because not only is this day special because Lilly came into this world, we are lucky to have Lilly's best friend and cousin, share their birthdays with one another. We feel privileged to call her our niece and are grateful to have such a bright ray of sunshine to brighten our life. Happy Second Birthday Morgan!!!

My Dash and Turning 25

The Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
And spoke of the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own,
The cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard;
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile,
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

My dash is being spent. I turn 25 tomorrow, which really is not old, but just is unbelievable because each year goes faster and faster. I had an AMAZING Birthday party tonight, surrounded by my family and most of Mike's. It was wonderful, and I could really not think of a better way to celebrate a Birthday. I did miss my sista's-from-otha-mistas(you all know who you are) and some of our dear family, but it was still a great celebration. Tomorrow will also be a great day. The last two years, I have been VERY pregnant. Lilly's and Morgan's birthday is two weeks from tomorrow, and Ryker's is nine days after that. I will just make it good as possible.

I've been tagged and so have some of you!!!

You can all thank Nicole for this one.
I have been tagged. Having never been tagged before, I hope I do not disappoint!

1. I love to do laundry! I hate to fold it unless it is folded PERFECTLY!!!

2. I love the fall, but my favorite time of year has become one of the hardest.
3. I have a sister that is 10 1/2 months younger then I. And yes, she just about walked on out!
4. My sister and I are currently both 24, but only for just one more week.
5. I was not born with ANY wisdom teeth and am missing two twelve year-old molars!
6. Up till September, I had not seen a movie in theater since before I was pregnant with Ryker. Movies make me miss my babies.
7. My two front-bottom teeth are still my baby teeth. They are teeny-tiny and I will at some point have to have implants. Also, my dentist told me it would cost a good 20 grand to get my teeth the way I would like them.
I now tag:
Ashley, Amy, Where'sMyAngels-Momma(I do not know your first name!!!), Erica, Keisa, Hollie, and Teaa!!!

She's Home!!!!

After 88 days, Gracie is home. Home with her Mom and Dad, and home with her sister. Home where she belongs. We are so proud of you Gracie!!! We love you and look forward to getting to know you, that much better!!! Keep the prayers coming, they still need them!!!