Wow!!!! Thank-you so much!!

I feel like a princess! I've never won anything remotely like this (Mike wins things in our family!) I am so glad that all the women are winners, and that the AMAZING sponsors stepped up and are spoiling the other finalist!!! I am way excited for this! I hope I can represent the amazing women that are winners too! I'm off for a couple of days (okay, almost a week) and it is going to be so nice to relax and get ready to be pampered. I could not have done this without all of you. What means the most to me is the supportive comments you all have left in my behalf. I hope this is a start to a new beginning for me!
Heart Hugs to you all,
Emily and Mike

Question/Favor

So as many of you may know, we are approved for adoption. What I am not good at is being electronically and technologically minded. If I win this makeover (cross your fingers!) I am hoping that we will have cute professional pictures that we can work with. What I am hoping to get some help with is finding someone to do a cute button that can be posted on the side of blogs. I am also hoping someone can help us make a really great pass along card. Maybe I need to buy photo-shop, and try to learn myself, but help as to where to begin would be marvelous. I do realize I am asking a lot, I just do not know where to begin! Thank-you all!

Adoption and Heart Defects

These two topics are very dear to my heart. I have been bombarded with adoption lately (at work, which is AWESOME, on friends blogs, even in the LDS Ensign magazine this month!) There are some BEAUTIFUL articles about adoption from a Birth Mother's perspective, a Birth Father's, a Grandparent of the biological Grandchild, and a child of adoption. These personal and individual stories are so sweet and tender, and gave a me a good cry last night. What a truly selfless act to bless someone with something or better someone that just enhances their lives and all that they are! I can not WAIT to be picked! I hope every day for a call. Mike is an awesome Dad, and I love being a Mom. I wish I could give him that. For some reason though, my body is not allowing me.
Heart defects and families dealing with heart defects are amazing! Whether they are dealing with it presently, or it is a thing of the past, or they are faced with the loss from a heart defect; it truly takes a STRONG person or persons to face a congenital heart defect. The reason I am writing about heart defects today is to spread the word that February is Congenital Heart Defect Awareness. So throughout February, I will be sharing the statistics, the pictures of Ryker that I have yet to share from his short journey, and hopefully even highlighting and sharing some truly miraculous stories of survival, pain, joy, and even loss. Also I would love to raise awareness about the donation of vital organs and really being a donor at any age. The sad thing is, tragic things happen every day. It is extremely difficult to find hearts for babies and children. It's not like adults where they are driving and get in a really bad accidents and can donate organs. Children generally pass from illness, making it so much harder to locate a heart. This may sound horrible, but I STILL feel guilty for not donating Lilly's perfect organs. I think sometimes that somewhere out there was a child waiting for a heart, or a kidney, or a liver, and I could not allow myself to donate in her behalf. I know, hind-sight is 20/20. Regret is the worst, and I know now how important being an organ donor can be. I will leave you with those thoughts/feelings and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE vote! It all end tonight and I am so grateful for this experience! There is a link at the top-right-hand of the page! You guys are awesome!

Some Neat Posts.

I have some AWESOME friends. Really and truly, a blend of so many different people, from so many back-rounds, with so many diverse life experiences. I have amazing friends that are dealing with loss (click here, here, and here for a few of their stories!) I have friends/family dealing and living with children that would not be here today had it not been for the advancement of medical technology and truly the blessing of Heavenly Father(there are so many inspirational, so hard to choose, but click here, here, here, here, and here for a few!) And there are some just over-the-top amazing women pushing forward the feelings, thoughts, emotions, heart aches, joy, and so much more, that infertility and adoption bring into their lives. All of these blogs are amazing, but what makes these two stand out today is their messages. Have a read, be touched, and see why I LOVE adoption! So click here and here to share the joy and sorrow, you can not help but be touched! (And since they will bring tears for your eyes, go and vote here for me and while there, read the wise words of a hilarious woman who loves to be over-the-top with her spoof of a blog!!!!)

Please and Thank-You!

Not feeling so hot right now. Came home from work 4 hours early because either I have a stomach flu or Mi Ranchito tummy, (I know, gross!!!!) So took some sweet old phenergan (sorry if that is spelled wrong!) and am going to have a nice little old nap on the couch. The voting ends tomorrow, Thursday the 29th at 11:59 p.m. It is awfully exciting! And oddly enough we seem to be able to vote at least once a day. So please vote! You guys have been amazing and it is amazing to see all the people cheering for me! Can not wait for the results! I probably will stay up just to see (except I do have to work at 6 am the next morning!!!) Anyways, thank-you everyone who has voted and will vote. It means the world!

I'm addicted.

85%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

It could have been worse, but I truly am addicted to blogging. I love to blog; love even more to read blogs. I think I check in at over 100 blogs (at least) and sometimes I lurk, but most of the time I try to de-lurk (trying hard to not be a hypocrite because I love to read your comments and am even saddened when there are few comments.) I really am that sad, living my life through you (love vacation photos and exciting parties/family-get-togethers.) I secretly am hoping to save a little extra and go somewhere WAY fun and warm for our five year anniversary this year; just have to get Mike on-board! Anyways, better go now. hubby has a bad headache and feels kind of crappy. Just an F.Y.I.: I know some of you are newer to our blog, and may not know some simple facts about us. Mike is a twin, and not only were our Lilly and the twin's little girl born the same day, but both of our second children were born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS=half-a-heart). Although Ryker did lose his battle, our amazing little almost seven month old niece is about to have her second heart surgery next Monday. This is open-heart surgery, and so I am asking for prayers in behalf of her family and sweet Gracie. This is Mike's family (missing Chris who is in Brazil and of course Ryker and Lilly!) on Thanksgiving day (one of the many I NEED to catch up and post! So please pray, and please continue voting! I think you can vote once a day, I'm not sure though. I am totally not technologically-minded whatsoever! Thank-you everyone for the supportive comments, they really make my day and bring a smile to both Mike and I!

Probably Overreacting

I grew up in a family of seven, and we had to be loud and voice our opinions or else we would just get walked right over. So although I am not overly dramatic (no snide remarks anyone:)I do tend to overreact when the people close to me are hurt or upset. Last night, I did overreact. It was the first time I have read a not-so positive comment, and it upset me (I know, it was obvious I was upset!) So although I do feel that this is our blog and really and truly, as important as this contest is to me and even Mike, it really does not matter all that much in the grand scheme of things. And it is just that, a contest. Just like American Idol, just like Dancing With the Stars and such. So I am sorry to overreact, I am human after all. But don't get me wrong, this in an outlet for me (and sometimes Mike) and it is a place I want to feel safe and not judged. And I would do ANYTHING to protect my little family. I just need to try and not be all Momma-bear all the time:)!

Please be nice peeps.

I know that with this amazing makeover, I was probably going to get some readers who have never read this blog before. We are pretty light-hearted individuals and we like to have fun. We are pretty honest individuals, and would never want anyone to win when they shouldn't. But here is the thing, this make-over, however silly and seemingly un-important it may be to many, it means something to Mike and I. He has seen a very sad wife for the last few months. From October through December, I am not a happy and positive person. Our hearts ACHE at the thought of not having Lilly and Ryker. Each of the women in that have been nominated is very special in her own individual way. Like I have said, although I would LOVE to win, I know that whoever will win is well-deserving. But there are a lot of people that care about us that are hoping I will win (i.e. my sister-in-law has contacted her friends, who are contacting their friends, and so on, hoping to make this dream come true!) For those of you who know me, I REALLY am not a vain person. But to be able to have this chance of a lifetime has made me happier then I have been in a LONG time. Most of you are not there when I am crying in Mike's lap, after the overwhelming feelings of never being blessed with children on this earth is entertained in my mind. Most of you do not see me when I can not get out of bed, on those rare occasions when I feel as if nothing could possibly be right in this world again. Most of you do not see me when I am so angry about my infertility and the hopelessness of adoption sets in. Yes, I have two PERFECT babies, and yes I have an amazing husband and some awesome friends and family that help lift me up. But we have been through literal HELL the last 2 1/2 years. We dealt with facing never seeing Lilly alive on this earth. We were blessed with a bit of time. We faced the HELL of seeing your 5 day old baby so swollen that he has fluid pulling off to the side of his head, paralyzed because his little chest had to stay open to allow for his heart to continue to decrease its swollen size. The HELL of walking into your 3 week old baby's pediatric intensive care room and seeing massive amounts of blood coming out of his sore little bum and being vomited out, and after 4 hours of emergency surgery, just so pale and weak. And then 4 weeks later, having to tell the doctors to stop the life-saving measures because it had been almost an hour since you baby's oxygen SATS had been above 20%. Once you have buried your two infants, just one year and 3 weeks apart, one only one week before Christmas, than, and only than can you begin to start to tell us what to say on this blog, or what not to. I am a sensitive soul. You who know me know this about me. I am even more sensitive about my husband's sweetness and feelings. So all I can say is that if you would like to make a comment, BE NICE! I really do not want to take this blog private, but I will do what I have to to protect my family. So play nice, or forever hold your peace! If I have offended, I am sorry. But this blog is to share the good, the bad, and the ugly that we face. Mike posts RARELY, and when he does, he likes nice supportive comments to be written. So please be kind, we are all fighting some kind of battle. It makes me upset that at such a happy time, that Mike's feelings are injured. So be kind all of you. We are nice people too!

Overwhleming Feelings

This contest I am part of has been amazing (don't worry, it is going on through next Thursday, so you can all still vote!!! :) It is incredible the response, and I LOVE reading the comments on Seriously So Blessed. It makes me feel so blessed. I would love to win, but even if I do not, the comments and support are overwhelming and my heart just feels like it is going to burst with the love I feel from all of you! The other nominated women are truly inspirational, and it is a privilege to be counted amongst them!!! So THANK-YOU, THANK-YOU to all of you that have voted!
P.S. I saw the baby yesterday, that almost could have been ours. He was cute, and tiny. I would have loved him to be mine, but it is okay. (Lilly and Ryker were so dang cute that I have a high standard of cuteness;) I have done ALL within my power to NOT see Tory. She is just a sweet, foolish, and naive young women, and she honestly feels she is being an example to young single mothers out there, that they can do it. This goes against all that I know to be right, but she does have her free agency, and I can respect that.

Please Vote Now!! PLease...please!!!!

I will thank-you forever if you will PLEASE vote for me!!!! Just click HERE!!!
THANK-YOU A MILLION!!!

This is it!! Voting has started!!

O.K so this is Mike, Emilys husband. I have appeared out of the darkness once again to post! so you all probably know about the makeover contest Emily has posted about, well voting started TODAY!! First of all let me just say that this is the first time in awhile I have seen Emily this happy! I know what this makeover would do for her, so
please go vote! The website can be found on the side or the link is also posted right below! Now the best part is you can vote more than once! Am I suggesting you go vote time after time for her, No of coarse not I think that would be a little dishonest I am just stating a fact that you can vote more than once { Wink, Wink.} Now I also have to warn you that some of these other finalists are just as deserving as Emily with sad situations so just take a chance and vote who you feel is most deserving! Finally I want to thank you all for being there these past couple months, you have truly been there during our most difficult trials! You all hold a very special place in our hearts!
Mike

Crazy Life of Mike and Em

Just an FYI, I will be posting soon pictures of our holidays and family get-together! So until then, please forgive me until then!
I feel like sometimes my life is just crazy. I know, don't we all? It just seems like we are constantly being pulled different ways: school, work, broke cars, family. This life is mostly a delightful steady stream of keeping us busy and it seems to do a good job. But it seems like every once in awhile we are reminded about what is important in life. I worked yesterday, and one of the HARDEST and DIFFICULT parts of working where I work is seeing incompetent parents having children, although, I can neither confirm or deny that this particular situation had her child, but it just really ANGERED me!!! (I can not go into specifics, we'll just say some BAD choices were being made.) It took me back to my second day of work at the hospital. (Do not worry, I will not break HIPPA!) I was 22 weeks pregnant (with Ryker), and it was the day after finding out he had a heart condition. I had a patient, a younger Mom, and her baby was a sick baby. He/She was sick because of the poor choices her Mom had made. The baby was in the level II, and most likely the parents were going to lose custody. It just made me sick. Here I was, doing EVERYTHING within my power to have a healthy baby, and I had been hit for a second time, carrying a precious baby with a life-threatening birth defect. It is VERY hard to be see women doing drugs or participating in otherwise colorful behaviors that not only harm their own bodies, but are hurting their sweet innocent babies, never really giving them a chance. It breaks my heart. And there are so many amazing families, dealt the trial of infertility, and wanting these precious babies to be theirs. It is really hard to see these women make stupid mistakes. And I still have not see hide or hair of the gal we were going to adopt from. So hopefully she delivers next Monday (please-oh-please not until then!)

On another note, my sweet 6 1/2 month old niece, Gracie, is having her second open-heart surgery Feb. 2nd. We are very hopeful, but the prayers in her behalf and her family's will be greatly appreciated. She is such a sweety, and I can not begin to imagine (nor will I) any other outcome then her coming home a few weeks after.

To end on a happier note, the voting starts TOMORROW for me to hopefully win the makeover! It would be amazing to win. Truly a much-needed pick-me-up for this gal. So you probably will continue to hear me nagging you to PLEASE vote. I will post tomorrow the exact spot where you can vote, but to read the latest of this incredibly witty writer and her hilarious posts, just click HERE!!!
Thank-you all now in advance for your votes!

Two posts in one day, sorry!

I just wanted to add one more post. Please pray that this week I do not see the birth-mom we were supposed to adopt from. She is due any day, and I work Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It kinda breaks my heart, the loss of potential once more. I need the strength this week.

I am seriously so blessed!

One of my favorite blogs, Seriously So Blessed (gotta read if you are not already, she is one of the queens of blogging!)held an awesome make-over contest. Guess what, I am one of the finalist!!!! Whoo-hoo!!! Click HERE to find out more info!!!! So what I going to need all of you, my amazing online friends, is to please vote for me. The voting has not begun quite yet, and I will post when it does!!! This frumpy girl is in desperate need of some doing over! So please, please, vote for me!!!! Thanks!!!
p.s. I will post pictures later of my worst dye job ever.
I think my hair is orange-ewww!!

A new toy.

Oh my, I have stepped into the age of technology. I was almost there with our laptop and flat-screen t.v., but I took the final leap and have managed to borrow my brother-in-law's IPOD (they have four so although it will not be mine, I am allowed to use it for an indefinite amount of time!)I love it already, and the songs on it are a lot of my personal favorites (gotta love Miss Saigon, Les Miserables,and Hair Spray!) and so many others. Now if I can just figure out how to use it and download music!
P.S. We got hit with a whammy today: our precious Subaru is going to cost $1500 to fix! Stupid head gasket! Ouch, it is going to hurt big time!!!! I think we will hold off on looking at houses for awhile because although it does not clean out our savings, it seriously is denting it big-time! I was slightly embittered. We have been through so much. We have already paid off past medical bills for 2006 and 2007, that cost us a little around $9000 for those two years. And then not having our kids but still having to pay the medical bills (there should be a rule that if your child passes while at the hospital, they should have to eat the cost.) I know, wishful thinking. I even cried out to Mike today, in pure frustration that things seem to NEVER go our way. Now this is not completely true, but it seems like the Lord likes to test us, usually to the point of breaking. So I am putting it out there, we are ready for our break. I am tired of broken cars, broken bodies dealing with infertility and birth defects. Even broken promises of adoption that do not end happily. So Heavenly Father, please bless us. We need some happy beginnings and endings right now.

Construction and Adoption

This morning I was awoken at 7:20 by the shaking of my house. No, there was not an earthquake in Utah, there was construction right in front of my house. Needless to say, I was up bright and early. Shortly after, there was a knock at my door. The construction people were wondering if I was planning on leaving my house at all today. Hmmm... let me think about this, YES!!! I am praying they finish soon, because I hate construction.
Our case worker for LDS Family called us today. Every time she calls I get pretty excited, secretly hoping that she is calling to tell me that someone has picked us. No, this was not the case again, which is okay. Our former case worker Sara went on maternity leave, and came back to realize she wanted to be a stay at home Mom. So now we have another case worker, Karen, and really she is awesome! She asked us again how things were going, and reminded us to keep spreading the word, so here I am continuing to spread the word. We are still hoping to adopt!!! There is a new website so you can go here and search for our profile (Mike and Emily.) And continue to spread the word! Thanks!

Craptacular Day

The fates are conspiring against me: I swear it! My first half of the day was pretty good. The second half, pretty craptacular! Our car started over-heating, and we barely made it home. Upon arriving home, they are doing construction so that led to us sitting there, having the construction guy tell us to just drive over the 3 foot, 8 inch deep, cut that they made in the road. Haha, not happening. So we waited while they filled dirt in the huge cut. I got on the computer to start homework, and realized that I had an assignment do at 12 pm today. Crud. Thank-goodness I only lose a few points. Then the doorbell rang, and on my way to open the door, I tore my brand-new shirt (sniffle, sniffle), only to open the door and discover that we missed a message that Mike was supposed to go home teaching (crud, Mike was at school!) and here was his companion ready to go. A couple of other annoyances occurred but it was more annoying then anything. Just one of those days.

Lazy Blogger

I have been a lazy blogger the last week. I would like to say I am sorry, but because the reason I was being a lazy blogger was because I was too busy tending my nieces and nephews, I'm not:). I even got to tend my three week old nephew over-night! As I sat awake at around 1 a.m., I realized that I truly am baby-hungry. Anytime you are up in the middle of the night, feeding a newborn, and loving being awake with him or her, I think you can truly say that you are baby hungry.(It doesn't hurt that he is a really behaved baby, letting you get some sleep in-between feeds and diaper changes; Lilly loved to be awake during the night, so we spent many sleepless nights praying for a bit of sleep!) I really think there is nothing better then holding a sweet baby in your arms and the smiles. Every Monday I also get to tend my nephew. It was a double treat yesterday because I also got to watch my niece Gracie. Both of them LOVE to smile and it just melts the heart the second they do. It is crazy the love you can have for someone so small, and so new. With Lilly and Ryker, it was a different kind of bonding. I began to know them over the course of nine months. But the love I have to them is nearly the same love I have for my nieces and nephews. I would do anything to protect them, anything! I just can not wait till we finally have our third miracle.
I just pray that no-matter what, they are healthy!

Loving life.

Although January is usually my least favorite month of the year (freezing-butt cold temperatures, snow-storms that test your patience to no-end, taking down the Christmas lights and tree, :( sad!,) I seem to be enjoying January more then I have in any previous year. So here a few of the great things to come!

I did not vote for Obama, but I am excited to have a new president sworn in in just a few weeks, (one of these reasons being is that no matter what you think about the current president, he is in need of a LONG vacation and I just want both of the sides to stop pointing fingers as to who put the country in the current predicament we are in!). I hope that he will bring the peace and stability this nation needs.

I am also excited/sad that school is starting again. Don't get me wrong, I love going to school, and it does truly makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. I just do not like the busy work it can bring.

I am also excited about losing the weight. I did go up almost a pound yesterday, but I came back down today. I know that my weight is something I will always have to be careful about, but it feels good to be moving in the right direction for the first time in awhile. What I need to do now is to get my butt walking!

My thoughts also turn to what this year will bring for Mike and me in terms of our family growing. I had to switch over our adoption profile to the new one LDS family services is switching too. I am not sure if our next child will be adopted, but I do know that we WILL adopt. I know this because of the overwhelming feeling I feel every time I do anything that correlates with adoption. It fills my heart till I feel like I will burst!

Lastly, I think also I am enjoying this time of year because although sad, we did not have Lilly or Ryker during January. So unlike the fall, there is not the constant bombardment of memories that seem at times so overwhelming. Anyways, just know we are doing better then we have been in awhile.

*Please keep our niece Gracie in your prayers for the next week. She is having some procedures and we know that although they are life-threatening, you just never know. So pray she will be just fine and that they will also be able to restore some of her hearing loss! She is such a sweetie! How can your heart help but melt when she flashes you this gorgeous smile! You can not help but just love her!

And we have a winner!

And the winner is............................
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Ashley, Nic, and Mercydez!
Congratulations! You are the proud winner of
one of the many prizes of you choice! You also
are getting stuck with actually going to dinner
with us (or having us bring some yummy food to
you house) whichever you choose! Congrats and
here's to a 100 more posts!

100th Post!!!

Wow, 100! I can not believe so many have listened to my ramblings over 100 posts! So what did I want to post to celebrate my 100th post? Honestly, a huge thank-you! Thank-you for reading my posts and commenting. It is honestly the best feeling to see your comments and feel all of your support.
Just wanted to give a few shout-outs to my friends!
Thank-you Nicole and Amy for always being there! You two are awesome and I feel privileged to count you as friends!
Thank-you to my new blogging buddies,Where-are-my-angels mama and Lee Lee News Momma, who I not only count as friends but they are also inspirational women of truly amazing kids that have overcome quite a bit. If I were Catholic, I would put in for both of them to be sainted! Thank you too for your comments!
I would like to say thank-you too for my new friend Sylvia, from Spain, who writes beautiful English and is always posting a comment. I do not think I ever told you that my brother went to Madrid on an LDS mission, so Spain holds a special place in my heart.
Thank-you to heart friends-there are so many of you that we love and adore!
Thank-you to best friends. You know who you are. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we are still here together. I love each and every one of my best friends. Our friendship was forged long before our boys came along, and that means something! So here's a thank-you to sistas'-from-otha-mistas'!!!
My final thank-you is to the two who inspire me each day to get out of bed and try, my sweet Lilly and Ryker. I love you and miss you. Thank-you for protecting me and comforting me. And thank-you to their father, the love of my life; whom without, I would not be who I am!

The last part of my 100th post is to share my first adoption burn that I never shared. When Mike and I were teetering as to whether put in our papers or not, a situation came along that directly pushed us into adoption. A young mother of already one met with us and asked us to be adoptive parents to her unborn child. We were elated, and hurried to get the papers in and put the $1000 in to make it happen. Well, I will say I am thankful she cut us off then, but also it still hurts. She told us she felt good about it, she wanted me to go to the appts. with her, all that. I saw her again that week, and we were supposed to go to lunch and meet her Mom. I am thankful that it ended there, and she is not changing her mind now, hurting us even more. A great friend Lori (the only other woman besides myself and my mother-in-law to clean up Mike's puke) claims she will be sent off to a not such a nice place (we all know where!) She is due this week, sadly is delivering EXACTLY at the same place I work. I am just praying I do NOT see her. It would hurt to see the baby who could have been my son. Anyways, I am grateful for all of you and here's to many more posts!

*You have 24 hours to get your comment in. Whoever is chosen, I will post their name and you can send me your info as to what you want and where to ship/drop it off (depending on your location!) So at 10:45 p.m. mountain time, have your comments in!

A Great Dream.

This is my 99th post-can you believe it? So I am going to do something to celebrate my 100th post. I am debating between a nursing cover-up, a child's handmade crocheted hat (super cute), a headband, or baby's bracelet. As you can tell, all I know is how to do baby things. What I think I will do is have anyone who wants to participate post their name. I will then allow a certain amount of time (say 24 hrs)to get your names in. All your names will be put into a hat and I will have Mike draw one. So remember, on the 100th post, post within 24 hrs after and you will be entered into the draw. You will then be allowed to pick the prize. Maybe to be fair, for those non-baby folks, I will also give the option of a whole whoppin' five dollar bill!
I had an AWESOME dream last night! It has been a LONG time since I have had such an amazing dream. I woke up, wanting so bad to fall back asleep or just have it be true. It was so real, it took me awhile to realize the dream wasn't reality. I was at the hospital, and because I had delayed going in, there was not enough time for a c-section. (Now you know why I loved the dream, I was pregnant!!!)So I delivered vaginally. I remember walking around the room, feeling so good and being glad I did not hurt!!! My little baby girl was so cute, and she was healthy. I was getting her ready to go home when I woke up. It makes me soo baby hungry!! I know, I know, I need to get healthy. And getting pregnant again scares me. Anyways, just want to have that dream some more!

Top Scariest Moment of my Life.

Last night, we had a sugar bowl party at Mike's parent's house. It was a lot of fun, and we were excited to see the Utes win (even though we are die-hard BYU fans!) There was lots of yummy food, and this truly was a STRONG test of willpower. I kept thinking, "well it's only ONE chip, or ONE dip in the yummy cream-cheese/caramel apple dip." But I overcame the obstacle, and I was pleased when I weighed myself this morning and am down three pounds already. Anyways, our fun night came to literally a crashing end while I was going down the stairs and fell down about 8 steps. This would be scary in and of itself because I rolled down, but what was horrible and most frightening was that I had my six month old niece Gracie (the same niece who has Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) in my arms with her oxygen tank being carried on my side. I have never been so frightened before. I truly know that Lilly and Ryker were there protecting us, because she only came out with a little knot at the back of her head and a red mark on the front. I think I scared her more screaming at the top of my lungs because I was so afraid I was going to crush her. Honestly, she screamed more the other day when I was changing her diaper-rashed bottom. After wards, Deanna just had me hold her, and when the adrenaline wasn't flowing and I realized how banged up I was, so we layed her on the ottoman. She seriously just sat there and smiled at me for the next 20 minutes. I am SO grateful she is okay. I got beat up pretty good. Where I had the oxygen tank hanging on my right shoulder dinged up the whole right side of my body, and this morning I feel like I lost miserably to a boxing match. I am hoping I took the brunt of the fall and that she will be fine (which everyone keeps assuring me that she will be). The hardest part is feeling such guilt. This literally was my top scariest moment (the second was being bucked off a horse with a 64 year old special needs lady and having her land *thankfully* on top of me and the other being in a 5 passenger car with 7 girls and rolling the car at 2 in the morning out in the middle of no-where land in West Virginia.) So today I am thankful for the safety of my niece and the protection I know we were given.

New Years

I went to the doctor on Tuesday. I was so busy at work on Wednesday that I actually forgot to go downstairs and get my ultrasound, but my blood levels were good so I am not too concerned. My OBGYN thinks that I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Disease (PCOS), which I have thought for awhile but he would not give me that diagnosis. He told me that as soon as I get to my desired weight he will put me on Clomid (a drug used to get pregnant). So who knows what will happen. It still makes us nervous to get pregnant again. I know Heavenly Father has given us two perfect angels, but we REALLY want a child that still needs to learn something here. It does not matter whether that is through adoption or pregnancy; really all that matters is just a healthy baby that we can have for a long time (a lot longer then 5 or 7 weeks!) Anyways, started the diet, so I will see what the next 21 days brings. I am getting a running start on my New Years goal to get healthy and lose weight! I hope too that our family will grow this next year. Those are my two hopes for 2009.