Crappy, Crappy Day

I feel as though I am going to bust. I have laughed today so as to keep from crying. We had our perinatology appointment today. The tech scanned us, things looked good from her end. Our Dr. just got back from vacation today, so was actually on the phone with our cardiologist right before he came in. He could not believe this baby had a coarctation, and so his focus was trying to get some shots of the heart. Now coarcs are very difficult to diagnose while in-utero, and the baby was not in a good place for our doc to see the aorta fully. He scanned around, when he showed us something pretty concerning. The baby has what is called a pleural effusion  around his left lung, which set right alongside the heart. This is very concerning for a 23 week baby to already have a pleural effusion. He has two huge worries. The first is that this baby could potentially be in heart failure. When he said these words to us, I lost it. The second worry is that the pleural effusion is the beginning of a condition I do not understand or know very much about called hydrops. But what hydrops does is it can cause pockets of fluid around the heart, lungs, stomach, etc, causing the baby to need be born early  the baby is sick. And when you mix a heart defect in there, it is just scary. There are so, so, so many unknowns right now, and I truly feel like I have been fried. I have been told that to have three children with such significant problems is just insane, nearing impossible. I have to start going to perinatology weekly for now, and I really feel like we will be living at Primary's again sadly. I need some quality carbs right about now (I am thinking some Olive Garden) and just feel like we wish we knew more, could understand why this is happening, and what to expect. But none of that will be answered anytime soon. There is the possibility that this baby could come pretty early, potentially within weeks, which terrifies me. I guess I had better get to nesting. We are just praying that this baby will be as healthy as possible. I hate the unknowns. I hate not being able to plan or understand. We are in the waiting game.