Really Touched

 Just had to put in a few cute pictures to break up the words. This is my cute mother-in-law holding my really 

cute niece. Don't you love the cute headband (I may or may not have made it!!!)

I think a lot of people really felt like we were crazy in sharing the news of this pregnancy. This pregnancy already in so many ways reminds me of Lilly's and Ryker's. I found out I was pregnant with this little one March 11th. With Lilly, it was March 8th. With Ryker, it was March 13th with due dates of November 6th, 11th, and the 13th (I know what you are probably thinking right now, and I know, I know.) So you can imagine that having the same due dates nearly as Lilly and Ryker make me that much more of a vulnerable mess. I remember my sweet mother-in-law saying to me two years ago "well let's just not have another baby due that time of the year, that maybe changing the timing may change the outcome. I did not have much control over this. There was a higher plan. Lilly was a surprise (more for me than Mike) but at least somewhat expected. This baby is a major surprise, one we are excited for but still very much surprised. But the point is, that had we not shared the news, had we kept it a secret like most normal people do until they are at a "safer" point, we would not have the prayers and support like we do. The prayers and words buoy us up. I am convinced they are how we get through each day. A sweet friend of ours shared this quote, giving us hope for our little bean. It comes from a talk from the LDS General Conference that is held semi-annually. It is entitled Come What May and Love It by Elder Wirthlin and the words bring hope: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss.  That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way.  While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.” I cried at this. I know I am still going to be a mess, but I know this will help me get through, better, help us get through. There are so many feelings about this baby. I have hoped and prayed for years for a healthy child, and when that did not happen twice over, you really begin to doubt yourself. Doubt your body, and almost feel a sort of anger at it for failing you. I feel happy, I feel scared. I feel gratitude at being able to carry a child when so many long to be pregnant. For this same reason I feel sorrow and anguish for those battling infertility. I feel a sort of guilt for being pregnant, but than I remember the anguish of losing Lilly and Ryker. I truly feel gratitude to your comments, every sweet message, the e-mails and the little thoughts that help us get through this. 

 Our cute niece Gracie-girl!!! She was having fun!!!

So I simply want to say thank-you. Thank-you for the kind thoughts. Thanks to a loving Heavenly Father that knows my limitations, even though I do not always like the outcome. A dear friend and I were talking about loss. She lost her mother almost two years ago. We were discussing the peace that comes with adversity, when many feel like it is peace that things will be all right, when a lot of times it is peace to get simply get through. Sometimes the outcome may not be what you want or fought hard to get. I know this too well. So those prayers and kind thoughts buoy you up, get you through the hard times. I go to perinatology on Wednesday. I am hopeful. I do not know what will happen. I just really hope that like this talk, we will be blessed from the adversity our little family has faced. Anyways, I had best get to bed. Good-night!!!