Brooklyn Bailey

This is the Bailey family. The little girl, centered in the middle of her family was across from our niece Gracie. She has earnerd her wings and has become truly a celestial being. This has saddened us much. I have not been my usual somewhat chipper self the last few days. Anytime I hear about the loss of a baby or child, it just breaks my heart. I understand the pain and wish I could take it away. It just plain sucks to lose a child. You go through the motions of life, realizing that very few people truly understand the pain. It is not something you get over. I often have people telling me how to mourn and not. They almost act as if they want you to only have happy moments, to remember only the good times. Little do they know that although that might be a great way to live, if it were possible, until they begin to walk in your shoes, (and I pray they never have to) you can not begin to understand the pain of losing something that is part of you, something you carried for nine months and after too short a time, have to say goodbye to. There is no seeing them on this earth again, and you are expected to move on. Truly, the best thing you can say to them is "I am sorry. That must realy be hard." I would never tell someone to move on. Maybe I would have, had I not had to experience the loss of two children. Lilly's and Ryker's anniversaries are coming too quick and too soon. What feels like it has been 10 years, yet it has only been two, and then one. We will get through the days. We will make the days as happy as possible. Things will be as good as they can. Brooklyn's services are as followed:

October 1st, 2008
Hurricane 4th ward building 1178 South 700 West Hurricane, UT 84737
Viewing @ 3:00 PM
Services @ 4:00 PM

October 2nd, 2008
Burial at Salt Lake City Cemetery 200 "N" St. Salt Lake City, UT 84103
Burial@ 11:00 AM
Meet at the entrance 10:45

To the Bailey family: we mourn for Brooklyn and for the loss your family has experienced. The days will be hard, and sometimes it may seem unbearable. But we will be there to help you, to hopefully lighten the load you are being asked to carry. She is beautiful and is truly a princess of the celestial kingdom. We miss her and pray for you.

To all of you readers, please keep this sweet family in your prayers. Thank-you.

Our Little Gracie

Well I am so happy we get to make this post. Our niece Gracie has done so well they may actually move her out of the PICU. This is a huge step for her!! She passed her swallow study and is doing great! Emily and I actually got to hold her for the first time, and I cant tell you the love and joy we felt in doing so. Just sitting there with this precious angel just staring at you brings tears to my eyes. We are so proud of you Gracie! I also know you have two special cousins also very proud of you! The doctors have talked about gracie being able to come home soon possibly also! So thank you all for your prayers on our and her behalf.

Fall.

It is amazing how the older you get, the faster time seems to fly. I love this time of year, always have, always will. I miss Ohio and West Virginia this time of year. I long for the outdoor craft shows and the home-made apple cider. The stunning color and mix of leaves. Falls in Utah are all too short. My birthday in also less then a month away. We got married in the fall. There is also somewhat of drawback to this time of year. It is a bittersweet feeling. The last two years, I have been VERY pregnant with Lilly and then Ryker, just so excited for them to come. I can not believe Lilly would be 2 years old next month, and that we would be celebrating Ryker's first birthday. I was walking into the grocery store tonight. I saw the pumpkins outside, and told Mike that if Ryker was still with us, I would have taken him to a pumpkin patch. The stabbing pain came all too hard then, the realization that these are memories we will never make with our babies. I hate when the pain comes, surprising and agonizing. I had already planned what Ryker would be for Halloween, since his first Halloween was spent undergoing his first heart surgery. I remember with Lilly, that we tried to find her a costume, but she was just so tiny so we had her wear one of her little outfits and put the matching Winnie-the-Pooh hat on with it. It is hard to not get frustrated, and wonder if we will ever be able to share and enjoy the things we love with our children, (on this earth). I guess we will just have to put forward the faith necessary to believe we will be parents again.

Adoption

We have been working on getting our adoption blog up and running. We had debated whether to keep it private or open it to everyone. We decided that for now, it would be best to continue to get the word out and share it with everyone! Suggestions are welcome (especially those who have gone through it or are going through it!) but really all comments are welcome. If you could also please place the link on your blogs (please, please, please!!!)
The site is: http://mikeandemilygourley.blogspot.com/

Ryker

Ryker came into this world, unexpectedly, on Saturday, October 27, 2007. We knew before hand that he was going to be born with a sever heart condition called Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, which essentially meant he would be born with half a heart. They whisked him away immediately, through window and into the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. He looked so perfect, never knowing that inside his tiny heart there were such problems. He was given drugs to relax his heart, so that they could do surgery a short four days later. We held and loved him those short days before surgery.

Handing him over to the skilled surgeons was one of the hardest decisions of our lives. He endured the heart surgery, and was just so strong. Every obstacle that Ryker hit he would fight and overcome. His strong spirit was amazing and undoubted. His life nearly ended at a mere three weeks of age, with even the doctor telling us that he would not be able to overcome such a huge setback. But he did live and was stronger then before. Ryker was truly a miracle!

We loved to be with him, stroking his hair, singing to him, and just letting him feel of our love. . The day of his passing, started out wonderfully. We headed up there and awaited anxiously for the breathing tube to be removed in the hopes of finally being able to hold him and get him home. It was December 15, and he was exactly seven weeks old. They removed the breathing tube, and he was just doing wonderful. There were tears in the eyes of all in the room when we heard his meek cry. We went down to the cafe to get some lunch and hurried to get back up to be with him. When we got back to his room, we realized that there was something wrong and they were putting the breathing tube back in. We were assured things were going to be okay, but we could sense that this was not the case. We watched as his oxygen saturations dropped and dropped, calling family and pleading for them to hurry up to the hospital. We watched as the doctors and nurses tried to do what they could to save him, but we knew that we were going to have to say goodbye to him. The heart surgeon came to talk to us about options. We looked at each other, knowing that it truly was time to say goodbye to our sweet little boy. We gathered our family to hold him and say goodbye. In a short 13 months, we had said goodbye to our first and second child. We miss Ryker and look forward to when we will see him and his sister again.

On the Mend

After doing a heart cath and placing two stints, Gracie seems to be improving. They were able to extubate Gracie again and she seems to be doing well. She has even began smiling and looks adorable as ever. We are so grateful for her speedy recovery, and know she has been blessed with strength. We love you Gracie and pray for your recovery so you can come home.

Update on Gracie

So as I posted yesterday, my sweet niece hit a bump in the road. Mike's brother and his wife Deanna got a call to head up yesterday morning at about 4:30am because Gracie was not doing so great. They headed up, and when they got there, they had had to re-intubate Gracie. They also had to sedate her and give her a paralytic so that she would allow her body to get some much needed rest. So she rested through the day. Her heart rate had gone up to the 200's and had hung there along with some crappy o2 sats, and so they decided that they will not push her for awhile, they are just trying to figure out why this is happening. It is frusrating because it seems like she is constantly facing an up-hill climb. So please continue the prayers. The unknown can be so frustrating. We are praying for her to be able to kick out of this, and soon. She hates the tube, and it makes it difficult because she is easily over-stimulated.

Gracie

Gracie hit a bit of a bump, early this morning, and so your prayers are again being requested. We know that the Lord is mindful of her and her family and that our family has seen some great miracles wrought in our behalf because of the prayers of all of you. Thank-you. We will try to post later.

Getting Healthy!!!!

Well, this was the first week of the G Family Fitness Goal! You are probably wondering what the G Family Fitness Challenge is. Well, I will tell you. My in-laws are doing each putting in a bit of money, making three goals, and if we stick to them, our in-laws will match our money. This goes through Thanksgiving. I have three goals. Exercise 3-4 times a weeks, drink only 3-4 cans of pop a week, and only 2-3 desserts. This may not seem like hard goals to anyone else, but they are HARD for me!!! I can say that I honestly met my goals for this week, except I had one more pop then was allowed, which means I only get three next week. Anyways, I also joined weight watchers. So, to get me more accountable and make me meet my goals, I am going to follow some ideas I have seen and create a blog, strictly to help me to meet my weight loss goals! I only 6 pounds away from when I had Lilly, and have gained 45 pounds since Mike and I were married. So here I come weight loss goals, it is time for me to get healthy!!! The website is: http://emilysweightlossblog.blogspot.com/!!! I have to ask that you please not judge me and that any relatively skinny individuals that have NO understanding of what it is like to have unwanted weight please do not view! Wish us luck to a healthier life!

Soooo Excited!!!

Our adoption profile is officially online! If you go to itsaboutlove.org, go to the link for birth mothers, click on the search adoption profiles, and the enter this exact phrase(no spaces and yes the A in and is capitalized) MichaelAndEmily you will be able to view our adoption profile!!! We are so excited, and ever eager to continue to get the word out that we are adopting. We even have "pass-along-cards" (so to speak) if you would like some. I know it seems weird, you just never know who you will meet who is in a postion and have a desire to have their baby adopted. We can not wait to continue our family! Spread the word!!!

I know, two in one day!!!

Wow, I go one whole week of not posting, and then all of a sudden post twice in one day! I just wanted to thank my family for coming yesterday, it really meant a lot and I know that had you not been there, the day would just not have been the same! So Mike's Dad and Mom, Shell and Caden, Kat, Deanna and Morgan, Courtney, Abs and C.J., love each and every one of your stinkin' guts! Also, to all the G family, best of luck on your fitness goals! Remember we start tomorrow!!!!!

Fun-Run, Heather's B-day, and Family Dinner

(This is Ryker's poster that we did for him. The darling little boy above is Noah, and he actually was across the hall from Ryker and passed away while Ryker was there. His Dad actually assisted with an LDS priesthood blessing with Ryker once. If you double click on the picture, it will give you a better picture!)

We participated yesterday in the first Fun Run/Walk event for the Intermoutain Healing Hearts group we are in. We are also part of the angel group. These are awesome support groups, and not only do they lend their support to families, they also assist in the education and awareness of Congenital Heart Defects (CHD'S). We (Mike's parents, my two sister in-laws, my sister-from-other-misters Courtney and Abby, Abby's hubby, and I) walked/ran a mile yesterday to help raise awareness of CHD's. There was an awesome turnout, and it was overwhelming the support all of the families that are affected by CHD's felt. My sister-in-law also came and brought our adorable niece too. We had a special presentation to honor our angels too. It was beautiful and sweet. We read the angel's name, rang their individual bell, and released a balloon in their honor. It was interesting because as the balloons were launched, even though we did each balloon separately, they all congregated together in the sky. I liken this to losing our angels. Even though they have left this world individually, I know that on the other side they come together, and are close friends. It really was such a wonderful experience.

My sister Heather turned 24 yesterday. She and I will be the same age for about the next 5 weeks (yes, my Mom had us about 11 months apart, Heather literally about walked right out.) Heather is one of my best friends. She and I spend a lot of time together. Since I have started school again and with my work schedule, we have not been able to spend as much time. She is having a baby boy (his name will be Tatum) right around the first of January. She always is smiling, and is rather spoiled, as a result of many years of giving in to her and now her husband too. I once complained to my parents about her being somewhat spoiled, and their reply was less then sympathetic. It went something like this: "Mom and Dad, Heather is spoiled." (their reply)"Well, you have to deal with it because you made her that way." Heather is so funny, when she laughs, you have to laugh with her. Anyways, Happy Birthday Heather!!!

To close off my pretty-near perfect day yesterday, Mike's family got together at the Texas RoadHouse in Sandy. Mike's Grandma treated from all the way in California, in honor of our birthdays! It was really yummy, really loud, and we all just had a great time. This is the picture of half of Mike's family as the other half was at a table across the way. (Mike is the one in the blue by-the-way!)

And this is the picture of the other half of the table. Mike's family cracks me up. We all love each other, and get along (for the most part, unless you break out a game of Monopoly!!!) I always wanted great in-laws, and I seriously could not ask for better. Mike's sisters are very much my sisters, and I call his parents Mom and Dad. This family has seen soo much togther. Through those rough times, we rally around one another. Sorry this was such a long post, but I really just wanted to share a piece of the wonderful day I had.

P.S. I will admit the biggest let-down of the day was Mike's name being called at the raffle, and because he was not there (he sadly had to work) the Grand Prize IPOD touch was passed into the hands of a two year old. That was a sad day in the G home!!!