Fall.

It is amazing how the older you get, the faster time seems to fly. I love this time of year, always have, always will. I miss Ohio and West Virginia this time of year. I long for the outdoor craft shows and the home-made apple cider. The stunning color and mix of leaves. Falls in Utah are all too short. My birthday in also less then a month away. We got married in the fall. There is also somewhat of drawback to this time of year. It is a bittersweet feeling. The last two years, I have been VERY pregnant with Lilly and then Ryker, just so excited for them to come. I can not believe Lilly would be 2 years old next month, and that we would be celebrating Ryker's first birthday. I was walking into the grocery store tonight. I saw the pumpkins outside, and told Mike that if Ryker was still with us, I would have taken him to a pumpkin patch. The stabbing pain came all too hard then, the realization that these are memories we will never make with our babies. I hate when the pain comes, surprising and agonizing. I had already planned what Ryker would be for Halloween, since his first Halloween was spent undergoing his first heart surgery. I remember with Lilly, that we tried to find her a costume, but she was just so tiny so we had her wear one of her little outfits and put the matching Winnie-the-Pooh hat on with it. It is hard to not get frustrated, and wonder if we will ever be able to share and enjoy the things we love with our children, (on this earth). I guess we will just have to put forward the faith necessary to believe we will be parents again.