Patience, Longing, and Ranting, and Hopefully Some Miracles.

*Just a pre-warning, this is kind of long!*
Through the loss of our two children, we have learned a lot of patience. For those of you who know me, you know that patience is not a virtue that comes easily to me. With Lilly's life, the patience we learned came from the un-known, and trying to not be frustrated with so many unknowns. I learned to live each day as if it could be your last. Let the people important to you know how much you love them, because you just never know what tomorrow may bring. Every day we wondered if that day would be her last. With Ryker, it was just pure and simple patience. I felt sometimes soo frustrated at the setbacks Ryker would experience and after each setback that he would overcome, I would sigh a breathe of relief, but knowing that inevitably there would always be more trials, and there would be more ways for the Lord to teach me patience. So why would getting our third child be any different? Every Monday, we have the privilege of tending our two year old niece and our 9 month old nephew. We love it. When Mike's sister comes to pick up Caiden, we always get a little chance to catch up. We were talking today, and she just was talking about how it is so odd that we were able to get pregnant so easily with Lilly and Ryker, and now we have been waiting/trying for over 15 months for something to happen. She just said that maybe we were just really meant to bring this little one into our home.
What prompted the discussion this morning is that I was expressing my frustration about getting a call (the lady was really nice and I feel like she is trying to do all she can) to inform me that things are happening so quickly, but it still may take another 2 weeks (from today) to have everything finalized to get this baby into our home. And although two weeks really is not that long, it just stinks that we would have to wait an additional week after court. We have twice now passed criminal backround screenings for LDS family services and now another agency (that shall for now remain nameless), and even though we will inevitably get our little baby. So why would someone want this baby to remain in another's home for additional week while we wait for some I's and T's to be dotted and crossed? How does any of this make sense? Why would you keep a baby from it's parents just to finalize some paperwork (and serioulsy, the ONLY hold up is PAPERWORK!) and ask that they just patiently wait? It is so frustrating! I really do not like having to learn patience so painfully. It hurts that we are going to possibly miss the first month of our baby's life. I know that we will (hopefully) have a lot of time to make up for it, but what would be the good of having him displaced from us for so long?! I do not see that this would in anyway be beneficial. We have rearranged schedules to go down next week, and I feel so strongly about being there, if only as a mere presence in the back of the court room. I am praying that there are lawyers who understand the need for this baby to be with it's adoptive parents. The lady on the phone said that she told her colleague to recommend that as soon as everything is finished to be able to place our baby with us and not have to go back to court.
So what we are asking now is prayers for some miracles. It is going to take a MIRACLE to be able to get our baby next week. That is where our loving friends and family come in. I know that prayers make all the difference. I have seen things which put to rest any doubts and that Heavenly Father truly is a God of miracles. So if you would, pray for us to have this miracle happen. I read an amazing scripture today. It says, "...Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send justice...". The other verse I have been reading every day through all of this is "Thus we may see that the Lord is merciful unto all who will, in the sincerity of their hearts, call upon his holy name." These are words which have allowed me to keep my sanity and live each day. I am trying so hard to not feel frustrated, but I just begin to wonder why things have to be hard for us. I know we are learning and growing, but we sometimes feel like bringing a child into our home is pretty much nearly impossible (other than bringing cute nieces and nephews over to tend). So pray for us to have peace. Pray for hearts to be softened and for the miracle of bringing this little guy (and yes, your reward for reading my ranting and raving is knowing that this little baby is our little guy!) home next week. Thank-you everyone for your comments. They mean a lot to know that there are so many people pulling for us.

The Bends and Twists Along the Road of Life.

We are always on the road of life. Sometimes (not very often in our family) you are coasting along the bright and sunny straight fairway. Other times, you are driving along steep curves and bends that threaten you very life and push you till you feel you are going to fall off. This two week wait we are in is very much the steep and beautiful mountain roads, that in the end will take you either to beautiful places or will threaten your very sanity. It seems the further and further away we move from being in St. George, this last week, and the feelings of the beautiful peace and spirit that we mostly felt while down there, the more anxious I become. And since the further away we move from this last week, and the closer we draw towards going back down, the more I worry. We are doing so much to get ready, both physically and spiritually. It feels the more we do, the more I want our baby, to be here, with us and working on becoming our eternal family. It is soo hard to not have what you want more than almost anything in this world. It sucks even more to miss the first weeks of our baby's life. I try not to think about it, but it seems that there is such a strong force working against me to feel doubt and fear. In our religion, we feel very strongly that Satan can be a strong force. We also believe that the feelings of doubt and fear are not from our loving Heavenly Father but are instead of and from Satan. And I know that Satan is working hard on us, because it is not his goal to see great things happen, like this baby becoming part of our family. We also believe that families can be together forever. So although I do feel the beautiful peace that I know my sweet Lilly and Ryker bring, and they are near to me at this time, there is also the darker force working so hard to counteract those peaceful and beautiful feelings. This week we will be working hard to jump through any other remaining hoops, and hopefully one week from Tuesday will be able to bring our baby home. So continue the prayers for us. We feel uplifted and need that feeling. Please continue to pray for all our little heart friends out there. Our niece will hopefully be able to come home soon, but she is still so fragile. Thank-you for all of your uplifting comments. As soon as I can share the picture of our little one, we will.

Jumping Through Hoops

Yep, that's what our little family was doing today, jumping through a lot of hoops. What is absolutely crazy, is that it was just barely a week ago, we had no idea all of this would be happening. And now we have made two trips down south, just in 5 days, and are currently getting baby-ready in our home. (We feel pretty much that no matter what happens in two weeks, this baby will hopefully be ours.) Tomorrow will be spent cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. We are praying the next 13 days will go by fast. What is crazier is our family will go from being a family of four, to a family of five (including Lilly and Ryker, of course)and that seems like a larger number than it is currently. Our little baby is just the cutest, with a ton of hair!!! I called my Dad, just frustrated because there is so much of this that is new and just like our little family, this case is unique. Unique can be both good and bad, but we are praying for our happy ending. So tomorrow we will finish our hoop-jumping for a couple of days and will get the house ready for everything. It's probably about 90-98% sure that we will come home parents again, but you really just never know. So continue praying for good things, and also our little niece Gracie was extubated today and there are the cutest pictures of her playing after she was extubated. We are grateful for her and the strength she has shown. Hopefully, she will be home in time to meet her new cousin. So we will let you know {vaguely} what is going on or any changes. So until than, please continue the prayers!

The Worst and Best Day.

Mike is so ready to share what exactly is going on, but I am not. This is unusual because normally Mike is the reserved one and I am the one sharing everything. I am sorry for driving you all nuts. I will say that we are praying for a good ending to all this, which if all goes well, we will know in two weeks exactly. We were praying for everything to be known today, for the decisions to be decided so that we could stop making so many trips down to St. George. We made it safely down to St. George, and after a restless night (for me), we got up to face the day. There was a lot of praying, a lot of pondering, and just pleading to the Lord to bring peace, no matter what happened. Things kept getting moved back to later and later, and finally the time came. We felt like things were going our way, but than the world turned up-side down on us, and we were left upset, and heart-broken. We headed back, and just ached at how saddened and empty we felt. We cried, we yelled out in frustration, and just felt like things could not possibly begin to go right in our family. Fifteen minutes later, those who had made us so unhappy, called to tell us to come back to see if things could work out. Another 1 hour and 20 minutes later, we felt much more peace, but were emotionally spent. It seems the Lord is indeed softening hearts, because it is exactly what happened in some small ways today, and even the last couple of days. We feel good about going back down in two weeks, that we will maybe get our good ending. You just never know. We just know that we have a bunch of hoops to jump through.
P.S. This next comment is for/from Mike:
It should be pretty obvious what is going on. Since there are quite a few people who do already know, and word is bound to get around anyway, we agreed that it would be best to let you know that this is indeed all related to adopting a baby. We will not share the specifics, but just know the baby is stinking cute, which must mean that our little baby is already here!!! So PLEASE, PLEASE pray for our little family this next two weeks.
*And we will share more when we feel we are able to. There is just still so much unknown that we need to protect ourselves and our little one.*

Headed Down South

We are going on another adventure (so to speak) and are headed back down to St. George. We are again requesting a continuation of prayers for of course both Gracie's and their families, but also for us. We are praying that things will go well and hearts will be softened. We know that Heavenly Father is in charge, and knows what will be best for our little family. But we also believe soo strongly in the power of prayer, and know that no matter what happens, we will be okay. So lots of prayers and hopefully and prayerfully tomorrow we will be able to share what exactly is going on (because word is going to get around!) So hasta-la-vista and we will post as soon as we can. Just again, Gledhill family and even our sweet Gracie are all in need of prayers to, so please continue to keep them all in your prayers! Oh my heck, I am a nervous wreck and need to finish packing!!!

Sweet, Amazing Grace

We just wanted to express our sincere condolences to the Gledhill family. The loss of a child is extremely difficult. And it is made that much more difficult because of the loss that her brothers and sister are experiencing too. Sweet Gracie has fought valiantly, and although is leaving this world, her body will no longer have to suffer the pains and anguish. She is a sweet, sweet girl. So please, please keep this family in your prayers this morning as they say goodbye to their precious little girl. They are also giving such a sweet blessing and donating her other organs. What a precious blessing to give~and Gledhills what a blessing Gracie has been to so many.

Road Trip!!!

So its Mike again! We had the weekend off and decided we wanted to get away for awhile, so what did we do?? Road trip to St George!! Yep we drove down too Cedar City and stayed the night and continued on to St George the next day! We had a great time, it was so nice to get away and have some alone time, we came back LATE Saturday night because our sisters baby was blessed today. We debated staying somewhere half way over night and driving the rest this morning but wanted to get home. Needless to say, 2 tanks of gas later, a 500 mile trek, and about 4 liters of diet Dr Pepper {Emily's vice} we made it home! So you are probably all sitting there wondering why St Gorge?? Why so sudden and quick? Well, there were DEFINITELY REASONS AND A PURPOSE!!! I wish so badly right now it could be discussed but the timing is just not right yet. We will post more when the timing is right, but please be mindful of us. We could use all the prayers right now. On a side note Gracie continues to do well and is returning to her normal self, we pray her recovery continues so she can get strong and come home!!! Also, sweet Gracie Gledhill and her family could also use some prayers. They are again facing some very difficult decisions and our heart breaks for them.