Craziness in Life

I have not posted in a little while. Life just gets a bit crazy. Mostly, besides playing with kids, fighting the never-ending war on laundry, and than trying to keep up with housework, I have been spending my time on the phone with various medical offices we have been blessed to frequent. By the end of this year, we will have PAID $14,000 in medical costs over the last 5 years. It makes me want to cry. And we are fortunate to have insurance, because that 5 day $10,000 fancy stay in Pediatrics 3-4 weeks ago would have alone pretty much bankrupted us. I know it can be worse, and I am grateful for my kids, but paying these bills reminds me so much of having Lilly and Ryker and having to pay for them, long after they had passed away. And I felt like it was so unfair. And I feel like it is still so unfair. To me, it feels like I am putting a price tag on my children, and they are just so priceless to me. It is silly that this brings up so much emotion and feeling, but it just does.

My other occupation right now is weight loss and trying to get a video done for the biggest loser. I just do not feel very creative about this project, and what I want to convey is something so precious to me. The story of my children is just such a story and I am not sure what words to convey the love, the emotion, and the awe of how special they are, and how the loss and stress has made me an emotional eater. And I need it to be amazing, to get the casting directors' attention. I know it will be so hard to leave my family, but while reading a book "Running With Angels", which is a book where I feel like I am nearly reading my own words and stories, I have realized I need to be a little selfish and take that time for me. So cross your fingers, offer suggestions for what to do for this video, and help me to be able to do it. It had been long overdue to reclaim my health.

I will have to post some pictures this week, because Collin turned one and Jacob turned 5 months yesterday!