Monday, November 17, 2008

I am a Senisitve Soul.

I am a sensitive soul. I love new babies, I love new Moms and Dads.
I love my nieces and nephews, and love tending their cute little tushies!
I love to spend the evening with my husband,
just cuddled on the couch,
enjoying each other's company.

I have LOVED being a Mom, and have loved having
the precious time with both Lilly and Ryker.

I cry whenever I see or hear the Hypoplastic
Left Heart Syndrome commercial that the local
hospital system (Intermountain Healthcare) plays
as an advertisement.
I love successful adoption and infertility stories.
They bring me such hope.

I cry very easily. I cry when I am mad, frustrated, happy,
sad, and when I am missing the heck out of my babies.

I am a sensitive soul. I know that we as women are a bit
more sensitive than our male counter-parts. But I know
I am that much more sensitive than most women.

It is that much harder for me to not take offense when
people make stupid comments. I wish that I had skin that was
really thick, so that hurtful comments could just bounce off.
But remember, I am sensitive. I know people should not have to
walk around on eggshells around everyone, including me. I just
think people have no idea when they are saying comments that are hurtful.
My sweet sister can not have kids biologically.
I have felt such guilt getting pregnant twice, but at the same
she was such a wonderful aunt to Lilly and Ryker.
Another friend and family member are also dealing with not being
able to get pregnant with ease. It sucks.
So I would like to make a few suggestions about what to NOT say,
when you are with a group of women.

1.) Please refrain from complaining about how miserable you are pregnant.
This is a given. Pregnancy is not easy,but I can guarantee
you are NOT the first woman to carry a child.
This complaining is also VERY hurtful to those of us longing for children.

2.) Please do not put so much worry into the sex of your unborn child.
I was guilty of this with my first. I wanted a girl.
Little did I know that three years later,
I would be PRAYING to just have a healthy baby;
one devoid of brain abnormalities, that are not compatible with life,
and heart conditions that take away a seven week old baby's life.
Be grateful to have healthy, beautiful children.
That is what REALLY matters.

3.) Think before your speak. LOOK AROUND THE ROOM!
If there is another who is suffering because their arms are empty,
maybe talk with them instead of continuing the commiserating about having kids.

4.)Be grateful for your sleepless nights.
I wish I could have had just one sleepless night home with Ryker.
And I wish for just one more night with Lilly.
I remember going to bed after Lilly passed away,
and I kept waking thinking I could hear Lilly crying.
It was really hard.
Go home today. Look around you.
If you have been blessed to have the
pitter-patter of little feet in your home,
or have been able to feel the wonder of your unborn child moving inside of you,
just be grateful and realize that you are blessed.

I will get off my soap box now.
I am sorry if this injures or insults anyone, I just think there
are many of us that just do not know.
I am going to work on not being SO sensitive,
but I think many need to work on being MORE sensitive.
We are women, aren't we?

7 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing - I know sometimes I say things I probably have not fully processed before they jump out of my mouth. I appreciate the way you bring up such subjects with out offending.

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  2. Like your new blog! I will change your name on my blog roll to something more mysterious.

    I too have been the recipient of many inconsiderate conversations. I always try to remember that when no offense was meant, no offense should be taken. It's very difficult, and trust me, I only remember like 10% of the time.

    Here's to hoping for more patience, tolerance, understanding for others.

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  3. Thanks for the reminder.. I think it is so easy to not count our blessings..

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  4. Hi,

    I'm Stephanie, Nathan's mom in IHH. I have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now. From watching you at the IHH fun walk/run, I could see what great people you and Mike are. I hope that a sweet baby comes to you soon; I don't know of 2 more deserving people than you both.

    I know you don't know me very well, but I would like an invite if you make your blog private. If that's ok, please send the invite to: ellingerfamily@gmail.com

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  5. can i just say that i absolutely love you.
    you are so honest, and say what needs to be said, but sometimes is hard to put in the right words.
    you are amazing.
    i'm sorry that things have been so tremendously and ridiculously difficult for you. just thinking about everything you've gone through overwhelms me.
    having been so close to losing Grace..I promised myself I would never take her for granted..and yet there are still days here and there where I do.
    thank you for reminding me how special she really is, and how blessed I am to have her.
    lots of love!

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  6. When my husband or I get irritated with our soon to be two year old ECMO miracle I always say, "We HAD to have him. We begged to keep him around." It's a nice reminder. We lost our first son, so we are quickly humbled with just small reminders.

    I loved your rant on the soap box! Nicely said. Well done. I want to make copies and hand them out.

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