New Beginnings

I do not always enjoy the month of January. In fact, I loathe the long cold month. But my favorite part of January is the fact that it is the beginning of the New Year, which means I can commit to making goals (most of which I may or may not happen to complete!) Last year, I made two goals: the first was getting healthier. Did I complete me goal? Not really. I did lose about 13 pounds, which is good, but I have a long way to go. My second goal I did great in: bringing home a baby! (Side note, that is not my goal again this year. I want to be able to enjoy Collin and have him two-on-one for awhile :) So it is time to make some goals for 2010. My first is weight loss. I need to be healthier. I want to feel good about how I look. So my goal is to lose some weight. How much this year? I am shooting for about 40 pounds. To follow me in my endeavor, you can click here to cheer me on! Hence the reason I signed up for Weight Watchers and have started to be diligent in heading to the gym.
My second big goal for 2010 is a huge change. I'm never one to keep feelings or thoughts to myself, so when we started contemplating moving away for school, I of course bounced the idea off those around me. Both of our families live locally. In the 5 years we have been married and nearly 6 years that we have been together, we have always lived within 20 minutes of nearly all of our family. But the problem with where we live is that the nursing programs are very competitive. So you have the option of getting pretty much a perfect 4.0 and getting into a local nursing program, or you can pay $60,000 and get through that way. Neither of these are great options for wanting to get through nursing school quickly or without going into huge amounts of debt. But if we were to move away, we would have the option of two great schools with great nursing programs that are not competitive like they are here. Mike would be able to get through school more quickly, while still working for the company that owns the hospital we work at. Moving away from our families is going to be one of the hardest things we will do, but I know that it will get us to the place where we need to be. It is not something we will just up and do, it is something we are thinking through and planning. There are many aspects to this. Mike already was accepted to the college there, so our next step is to go down and look at areas where we might want to live, and see what houses are available. All the while, we are looking each day for job openings at the hospital there. It will be difficult to leave our families. I already want to cry thinking about it, so I try not to. I am just trying to focus on the here-and-now. Anyways, it will be exciting to see what 2010 brings us. My biggest hope is peace and happiness around us, and maybe, just maybe, a calm and uneventful year (knock-on-wood!)

Our Forever Family

Call us lazy, or maybe it is more that we (or should I say "I") hate the cold, but one month later, we finally have taken our sealing pictures (*note here, the reason we did not take them the day we were actually sealed was because it was 6pm at night and right around 2 degrees Fahrenheit and needless to say, just not a good combo for a 9 month old!) We kept procrastinating, and since Collin's white outfit was not going to fit another day, we had one of my best friends take them. I think they turned out darling, and I think she has some real raw talent because she took a ton of pictures in about 10-15 minutes! So here they are. Enjoy. I need to go continue the deep cleaning. I'm purging my house because if we do move, I need it to be as easy as possible!!!
























Collin was so cute during the pictures. I love the pictures where we are holding him under the archway, and he starts laughing because a really sweet lady stopped to make faces at him. He is such a happy guy. I cannot believe he will be one next month (crazy, huh?) We talked to Collin's Grandma and we are planning a trip so that he can meet his brother and sister for the first time. We have to see how the weather holds up in the coming weeks, but I cannot wait for them to become acquainted and start making bonds that should have started a long time ago (we were not allowed to make trips that were not cleared by DCFS, which would require making a trip during a time that a DCFS caseworker could be there to supervise. But Collin is ours. So now we can start to make the relationships with his birth families. (A note here: Collin's birth Grandparents are WONDERFUL people and are one of the main reasons we even have Collin in our family. And, every agency we have worked with have supported making positive relationships with the adoptive/foster child's family.) We are even looking to relocating to the area they live in for school and more affordable housing.
I think it is going to be a very exciting 2010!!!

Happy New Year!!!

I want to take a moment to wish everyone a happy and safe New Year. I cannot believe it is nearly already 2010! My where do the years go? Last year this time, we wondered what 2009 would bring us. Would it bring us a baby to love and care for? Would it bring us a house, more nieces and nephews? Would we be one step closer to Mike being done with school? Would we live our lives in a way our sweet angels would be pleased with? 2009 brought us some really wonderful surprises. I think our biggest blessing this year was Collin. When we found out the arrival of Collin and were told the obstacles we would have to face to bring him into our little family, we were scared. I remember being so overwhelmed, but yet being so convinced that he would be our son. I remember going to meet Collin's birth mother, and than her parents and two children, and just wanting more than anything to have Collin be ours. I remember all too well leaving Southern Utah, time after time, with an empty car seat and tears. But just 5 short/horribly forever weeks, we came home, this time with both Collin and I in the back seat. Wad 2009 perfect? Nope. But it was one of the happiest years of our marriage. I'm not sure what 2010 will bring. I have a feeling it will see us further away from where we live, probably a 3-4 hour drive away from our wonderful families. But I think taking steps that may be scary will pay off for our little family. I will explain more later. I think taking scary steps though will also make it so we can finally own our own home, something that after 5 years of renting, I will be thrilled to do. So here's to one heck of a year. Thank-you to so many of you supporting and cheering us along the way. Clicking onto our blog and seeing the inspiring words and comments bring smiles to our day. Happy 2010!!!!!!
*I would also like to see a healthier me. Ten pounds is great, but I have a LONG way to go!!!*

I Will Post a REAL Christmas Post, I Promise!!!

I will post our pictures from Christmas (which to be honest were not that many since I worked and did not get to spend very much time with my family!) But it was such a joy to have Collin with us, and have him be ours. This last weeks has been a busy one for our Mom/Baby floor. We have actually had a LOT of adoptions, but we have also had a VERY ugly adoption horror. I am not allowed to go into details, HIPPA prevents this, but it really took an emotional toll out on me, and many others. Too many others really. It was sad to see something so ugly in regards to something that is so close to our hearts, and where adoption can truly be a beautiful and wonderful experience. It made me hug Collin a little closer. Even this morning, at 4 am when Collin woke up screaming, I just held him, and loved that I had a reason to be awake. Collin is such a happy part of our life. He is the reason my house is not in order (and I am convinced will not be for a long time) and is the reason Mike and I can sigh a sigh of happiness each night as we rock him to sleep. So I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and if you have not already, take the opportunity to look around at those you love and let them know how much you love them. Life is so short. We know this all too well, as do so many others. So here's wishing each and every one of you a Happy New Year!!!!

Merry Christmas

I just want to wish a very Merry Christmas to everyone. I worked all of today and will probably work half of tomorrow (seriously ladies, we hospital workers would not mind spending Christmas with our families!) But I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful day and eats lots of food but more importantly recognize the amazing family and friends in your life!

A Wonderful Day

In the LDS church, as new babies are brought into the world, they are given a name and a blessing. It is such a sweet and special day, a day that is looked forward to. With Lilly and Ryker, they were blessed in the hospital. Lilly's was right after birth, and Ryker's was right before he passed. We have never had the privilege of blessing our babies with all of our friends and family there. Today was Collin's blessing day. He was so cute, so happy and excited to see all those he loves so dearly. It was funny to see a 10 month old being blessed. He was happy, but kept trying to grab the microphone to babble/chew on it. There were tears. Tears of happiness. Tears to finally hear the words spoken of things that are in the future, the somedays. Lilly and Ryker's blessings were filled with goodbyes. Every baby blessing I have heard are blessings of what is to come. We could not look forward to the somedays with Lilly and Ryker. Collin has given us somedays. Collin has allowed us to worry about the future of his life, to worry about the friends he will have, the ugly parts of life, but also the good and beautiful things to come. Collin has given us something we have not been able to have: Hope. Lilly and Ryker taught us so much, don't get me wrong. But Collin's blessing to this family is hope. So thank-you to those who were able to make it. It was really a good day.
*I had a duh moment today, forgot to take ANY pictures. I was sad, but it is okay, since there will be plenty of picture opportunities this week with Christmas!!!

Angels Among Us

This has been a hard week. But on Tuesday, one of the hardest days I have had, I just prayed that the next day could be better. There were so many outpourings of love and support, that the difference yesterday was something to behold. So I wanted to thank everyone of you for the kind words, the calls, the texts, the beautiful bouquet of flowers, and for the sweet angel, who also happens to be my sister, who came over and cleaned my house with me. Last night, as I was lying awake, I truly had tears of gratitude for the amazing people in my life. Every comment, every word of encouragement truly gets us through these harder times. I am so grateful for the positive forces in my life.
I am so excited to have Collin blessed this Sunday. This is such a huge thing for Mike and I, where Lilly and Ryker were both blessed in the hospital. I have been looking for a nice dress, which did not make a lot of sense to Mike. I think the reason I want to look nice is because this is such a big deal to me. With Lilly, I had just had surgery and was wearing a hospital gown when she was blessed. With Ryker, I had just worked the night before and slept for only two hours when we had headed up to Primary's to see Ryker be extubated. And I was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. I guess it is silly, but it just is such a big step for our family. There just really is so much to be grateful for this holiday season, and I cannot wait to spend such a joyous time of year with our families, and make special memories with sweet Collin!