Lonliness and emptiness.

You ask how I (or better we) could possibly feel empty and lonely. We have so many people around us and we are constantly doing school and work and family. But yet, there is the continual feelings of loneliness and emptiness. October was a rough month. Lilly's and Ryker's birthdays just drained us, and yet school and work still went on and continues still. I am not trying to not be sad, depressed or lonely (so if you do not wish to hear something depressing or sad, please stop reading now). Life is very difficult right now. There are very few people who face the loss of one child, let alone two. It is one if the most difficult things we will ever have to do in this life. Thankfully, very few face this. The even harder part is the infertility we are facing. I know, you all are thinking that I should be grateful for the two angels I have had and be thankful I did not have to try very long for either. But I am heading into one year of trying to get pregnant again. I have tried to not get down. Tried not to put too much stress on getting pregnant. We put in our adoption papers, hoping that The Lord would bless us quickly. I am not sure what I am supposed to learn from this. I already appreciate the gift of children more then most (do not take offense). When you cannot have something that you want so bad, you are more appreciative when you get what your heart longs and aches for. We did a couple months of taking Femara, visits and calls to the doctor, and all the blood work. My doctor thinks I have an adrenal gland disorder. This makes it so I do not ovulate regularly and can go up to 50 some days in between those fabulous times-of the-month. It is very difficult. Mike is such a wonderful husband and it hurts to not be able to give him the gift of a child. My heart aches as all those around me get pregnant with ease. I go to the store and there are so many with kids and babies. It hurts to have arms that are empty. There is nothing we can do, just be patient and wait. It pretty much sucks.