Just Needed to Vent

I just need to post a little vent here (sometimes I wish this was a private blog because than I could really vent in the way that I would like, with only those I wish to read the aftermath.) But my aim for this blog is to be open and honest, so I guess with that you get to read the good, the bad, and the ugly. I understand that constructive criticism is helpful, but what about criticism that just plain hurts and makes you sob uncontrollably because you feel like such an insignificant human being? With constructive criticism, isn't there supposed to be something that lifts the person up, makes them feel like they are somewhat of a good person while helping the person to grow? Why did I allow myself to be hurt like this? I knew it was going to hurt, but I NEVER realized it would hurt like it did. I held it together, but when I let it go, the floods came. I just feel like it is better to build people up, not break them down. We are knocked down enough in the world around, and it seems that there are many quick to hurt and injure, and not enough to uplift and show kindness. On another note, I tire of women and the constant feelings of having to one up the other, or look better than the other, or just plain show not one ounce of humility. It makes me realize that I do not want to be one of those women. I would much rather be known as a woman who is kind to those around her.
Whenever I get frustrated, and I talk to my wonderful mother-in-law about any frustrations (especially when it involves people) she reminds me of the saying at the top of my blog: "Be kinder than necessary, because everyone is fighting some kind of battle." So for today, while I am sad, and life is sucky, just remember before you say something about another, remember that sometimes we may not realize what is going on in another's life, so maybe just let that thought or comment pass, and maybe instead say something kind.

Hard Days

I knew that with not having a hard day in awhile, I was bound to have one. Don't get me wrong, I love everything about our sweet boy, but it still does not prevent the pain of missing your children. Lilly and Ryker may have been only alive for a combined total of 12 weeks, but I spent a total of 18 months pregnant with them. That means I spent nearly two years of my life loving my little ones. Someone you live and breathe for and love beyond all comprehension can never be forgotten. We were doubly blessed. Our lives are all the better because we were blessed to have Lilly and Ryker. I just miss dressing Lilly up, having her cry the little whimper to let us know that she wanted to be held. I miss going to see Ryker, having the time to myself to drive and arriving at Primary's and seeing the love of the nurses taking care of him. When he passed away, it was so strange because you still feel this pull to go to Primary's, but the little one you have lived and breathed for is no longer there. I miss wetting his hair down and giving him a little fohawk. I miss the smells of both. Lilly smelled of Aveeno baby lotion and formula. Ryker smelled like a hospital, but the medical smells were his. I still love the smell of the air fresheners of the bathrooms at Primary's, that also are used in one of the bathrooms of the hospital I work at. I also turn whenever I smell the scent of the soap I washed up with countless times. It seems silly the little tings that can trigger so many memories. I just know that this is one of those hard times, and I just need to grieve. But maybe tomorrow will be better. Who knows.