Gratitude is the Attitude (sorry for my long ramblings!)

The title of this post is what my parents tried to instill in me. I am trying to be more like this post. It is definitely not an easy journey. It seems that it is so much easier to find the ugly and not so good in the world, and to criticize everything around me. But I am beginning to again realize that I am in charge of my happiness. That happiness is not predicated on what kind of house I live in, what kind of car I drive, what I look like, or how many kids I have to brag about (and seriously, how many people can say they have two perfect kids *wink*wink!) But in all seriousness, I do have a lot to be grateful for. I am grateful for the eternal companion that I get to share my life with. I am grateful to have felt the soft nudges (and sometimes the hard nudges) of two sweet little babies. I know there are many women who sadly never get to experience carrying a child. It breaks my heart that there is infertility in this world, and it sucks that it is currently a challenge in my life. But I am grateful that I get to appreciate the miracle of child birth that much more. The part of my life that I am especially grateful for is the blessing of having a loving Heavenly Father that cares for me. These last two years have been hard. Very few can come to understand the Hell of the loss of a child, let alone two. There have been times where I feel embittered that there are not children in our home. I have learned that Heavenly Father is truly there for me. He does love me. He is not punishing me by taking away my two precious angels. He needed them, for reasons I do not fully understand (although we do have some pretty head-strong family in the here-afters!) But I know that I will be a Mom again, and I that it will be when the time is right (no matter how hard I wish that time was/is now!) He knows me, knows my heart aches, knows what I can withstand, and knows that when I do not understand Him and am frustrated, that he will be patient and await my return with loving open arms. So I am going to do my best, and try to do everything in my power to be the best I can be. So I am a work-in-progress, and I am changing so that I can be a better me.