Something I Hope to Never Have to do Again

We had a long morning. Our appointment was at 8 and we left a little after 11 this morning. I am tired and wiped, and I am going to have to take it easy. They scanned our little guy a ton, checking and rechecking. There is some edema (swelling from fluid) on his scalp, which is part of the suspected hydrops. We are hoping that does not change significantly, but it is something that will be watched. They started the procedure, and if you have ever been through an amnio it's rather similar. I was laid back and with the guidance of ultrasound the doctor placed a needle through my abdomen, through the uterus (which is the painful part) and into the baby's chest. I have teared up today thinking about the pain this little one has gone through and not understood why or what was happening. It did not hurt too bad the first time, but I very nearly passed out. It was weird to feel so dizzy, feel like I was going to be sick, have my vision start to fade and not be able to hear clearly. I kept telling myself I could not pass out, but really and truly the last minute or two of the procedure I do not remember much. I was given juice and fed after and felt a lot better. The doctor had me walk around and try to get the baby to move, because after draining 20mL of the right side of the lung we needed the baby to move so they could drain the left side. So after about an hour, we were able to get him in to a good position. They did have to go in twice, but they were able to drain 25mL off the left side. We go back Monday to see how things look, and we are hopeful but still realistic. The hardest part of today was knowing that although what happened was needed (since 1 1/2 ounces of fluid is pretty significant in someone so small)  I have never yet caused any one of my children to be in pain while they are inside of me. It has always been their safe zone. When they were going in the second time, the baby tried swatting at the needle, and although pretty amusing, I just kind of felt sad that he is so little and already having to feel physical pain. Anyways, I need to go rest so I will sign off. I will do what I have to so that he will have the best chance at life as possible, but we are still just living week to week. Thank-you all for your prayers.It was truly beautiful at the end of this to see him looking pretty normal (at least for the moment) and brought us hope that maybe he will be strong enough to fight this and have a chance at normalcy.