Hope

I know so much of our life has been consumed with getting through each day, each week, trying to be good parents to Collin, trying to be a support to each other, and living. Some may call us selfish for not realizing other's feelings, but one thing I have found when you are faced with a trial that changes your world, you start to run in crisis mode. And that is where we are at. I was reading a friend's blog, and she posted about two families who are suffering. I read the blogs of these two little ones, one, a cute little girl named Preslee, who just a few months older than Collin. The other little guy Jake, was still pretty little, although I am not sure how old he was. There journey was very much nearly the same, in that they were both very little and sadly passed away from two separate drowning accidents. They both were such special little spirits, truly noble and valiant. And as I read their stories, I started to cry. I was looking at pictures of a sweet young mother holding her only child, and my heart ached for her. The strength of both of these families is remarkable. I remember those days after Lilly and Ryker's funerals and feeling the peace. I try to find the peace in my life while dealing with this little one, but I am scared. I do not know what my Father in Heaven's plan for this little one will be. I pray it is for him to journey here on earth, to stay with us and teach us how to be better parents. I always feel bad for Collin, for although he is our third child, he is much our first born. And I want so badly to be able to give him a little brother that can empathize and be there for him. I want to be able to hold this babe in our arms and do the normal things with him. I do not know if that is asking for too much. I hope not. I know we are receiving the best care possible. Our perinatologist is the best possible Dr. for this little one and for us, and I know that every decision he makes is meticulous and well thought out. I think what hurt the most about reading about the losses of the sweet little girl and boy is that is just hits home. It something we have been through, and I realize it is something we could face again. There are no words that will make it any easier, but I know that as we fight for the chance for our son to live, he has two of the best little guardian angels watching over him. We pray that through the skilled hands of our doctors, through the prayers and thoughts in behalf of our little guy, that maybe our outcome will be the miracle so many have asked for. I am not sure my ramblings made sense. I guess I just felt the need to out my words out there. I think we will have to hold on to the hope.