Change Is Good

The feelings I have when I am pregnant are probably silly, but they are still very real feelings. When we were about to lose Lilly, I was talking to my sister-in-law about wanting the next pregnancy to be different. I kind of felt like it was going to be a boy (granted it was before I was even pregnant) but I just felt like having another girl so soon after Lilly would be hard, that it would be like replacing our princess. Ryker was 100% boy. But what I wanted to be different really wasn't. His spirit was different, but still very much celestial like his sister. He was feisty, a bit of spit and vinegar, where Lilly was sweet and just peaceful. But that's about where the differences ended. They were both due right about the same time. They were born one year and nine days apart from one another. They both share their birthday month with their Mom and other family members (October). They both faced major medical issues, and neither made it to two months of age. I knew that if I were to ever get pregnant again, I wanted it to be a different time of year. I wanted a spring baby ideally. I wanted things to be different. 

So although I do not have control over when I am due, I am trying to change things this time. I work on a mom/baby floor. I see a lot, I hear a lot. I have watched Moms deliver via a c-section and have seen vaginal births. I watched my sister give birth, without pain meds, because her epidural quit working about an hour before she went complete. I watched in awe as she fought with strength to bring her cute son into the world, fully feeling every moment of the excruciating pain. And I watched her recover rather quickly from it all, and hold her beautiful baby on her chest. My decision to find a way to change things is not taken lightly. I may not have gone complete with Lilly, but I went about 18 hours with steady contractions, with nearly 12 hours of steady labor at the hospital, before I succumbed to the relief of an epidural. Up till this pregnancy, I have dealt with labor-like-cramps monthly, something I hope that no woman should ever have to face. When I went to my OB appointment, my doctor discussed with me my plan for this baby. You see, I figured that after two c-sections, I was doomed to have a c-section every time. So I was surprised when my doctor told me that I could indeed try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). My risk of rupturing is 2% (1% higher than having just one c-section), although my OB has never had a Mom trying for a VBAC rupture (this is the same doctor who has delivered over 7000 babies. ) 

Collin will be 21 months when this baby comes. I will not be able to lift Collin for about 4-6 weeks with a c-section. So I started doing my research once again (I have looked into this before) and i have decided to try for it. I am not going to be able to be induced with pitocin, so I will have to rely on my body to naturally do what it is supposed to do. I have also looked into epidurals and moms trying for a VBAC. C-sections rates go up when you have an epidural, especially with a Mom trying to avoid another c-section. I know the pain is going to suck. You are fooling yourself if you do not think it hurts. But I am looking into classes and books to help me prepare for this a natural way. I am looking into the different ways to try to deal with labor naturally (such as the Bradley method, and such.) Again, this is not a decision I take lightly. I am hoping that with some techniques, some training for both Mike and I, and having a trust in my body, that I can do it. I do not know how so many women did it back before epidurals, but that also brings me hope: this has been done for thousands of years without the intervention of drugs. If I were a "normal mom" with "normal" deliveries I would probably just have an epidural. But because it is going to be my body doing this without pretty much any drugs, I am going to have to learn to cope and tough it out. I guess I will have to find that mighty inner woman:)

So, I am looking for support and maybe any stories or tricks from any moms who have gone the natural route or that have had a VBAC. I joined a baby community of moms who are supportive of VBACs, because I know that come that third trimester, I will be begging to be done. I know I am crazy, and will probably go late and end up still very pregnant even over my due date, but I have to try (I would not be surprised if I go into Thanksgiving still pregnant or delivering on my anniversary.) Seriously, and tricks/stories of support would mean a lot. Thank-you to each of you who read my ramblings. They seem to bore Mike so thanks for still reading!!! :)

*I cannot wait to find out what we are having. But at the same time, I worry about hearing the bad news that something has gone wrong for a third time. This waiting is a killer!!!! And tomorrow I pass out of the 200 number of days left until this baby is due!!!! Whoot for just 199 days left!!! LOL!!!