We have started babysitting our nephew today. This is the only nephew I have had as a patient (when he was first born) and we adore him. His personality is coming out, and I'll be honest, Aunt Em is one of the favorites! He would be crying, and then stop when Mike handed him to me. I kept telling him that he is not soft like me, and to be honest, I have boobs and thankfully he does not. :) Caden laughs and coos, and just steals our hearts. He was just about to start coo and smile in this picture! My last happening in my life is something I wanted to share, that is funny and just really brings to mind that stupid people ruin it for everyone. (Or in this case, just put you in a real great mood...not!) I was walking through the PICU last week. As many as you know, our son lived his short seven weeks in the PICU, so naturally going up there stirs up a lot of the hard feelings of losing him. I was walking back, and a nurse (who I am sure meant well, most everyone does) came up to me, grabbed me and hugged me. I pulled back, kind of seeing that she looked somewhat familiar, when she said (I am sorry) but the STUPIDEST questions/comments I have ever been asked. Here we go: "Oh, do you miss Ryker?!!! Is coming up here hard?!!!" Hmm... let me think about this brain-stunner for a moment. Not sure how to reply, without sounding completely rude, so I simply said "yes", and walked away. Really, I could think of LOTS of things that would be wiser to say, but that really took the cake for me!!! I would also like to share a couple other stupid comments/questions I have been blessed to hear. The reason I am sharing these, is I have realized that I need to be more sensitive towards others situations and that we are not all as fortunate as another. So here we go again. "Have you thought about having kids?" On not seeing any children with Mike and I and knowing we have been married for 4 years (gasp!). "When are you going to start trying again?" Little do they know that we have been unsuccessfully trying to have another baby since last December. "Why would you adopt when you can have children?" Umm... people do not only adopt because they can not have children, they adopt because it is right for their family. Anyways, I just realize that really, people are not meaning to be offensive, they are meaning well. But the comment comes to mind, being killed with kindness!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Thoughts from life.
Just wanted to share some of the thoughts and happenings from our life. I will start on my more positive note. We are happy to say that come either tomorrow, Wed. or Thurs., we will be online and ready to go for adoption. Our profile will be able to be viewed, and as soon as we get the word, we will post the link for people to view. We have filled out ALL the paperwork, done all the interviews, completed the home-study, and jumped through the other hoops to finally be ready to hopefully adopt! Gracie (our niece) is holding steady. They did a skin graft, (using donor skin) today to see of it will take. Hopefully it will, and then they will use some of her own skin to make a permanent graft. They are going to start weaning her off the ventilator this week, and hopefully if they can do that, they will be able to start trialling her off the ventilator (which means doing 1 hour or so periods where they keep her intubated but she is triggering her own breaths and exercising her lungs.) She is cute, and I think she has some auburn to hair. 
We have started babysitting our nephew today. This is the only nephew I have had as a patient (when he was first born) and we adore him. His personality is coming out, and I'll be honest, Aunt Em is one of the favorites! He would be crying, and then stop when Mike handed him to me. I kept telling him that he is not soft like me, and to be honest, I have boobs and thankfully he does not. :) Caden laughs and coos, and just steals our hearts. He was just about to start coo and smile in this picture! My last happening in my life is something I wanted to share, that is funny and just really brings to mind that stupid people ruin it for everyone. (Or in this case, just put you in a real great mood...not!) I was walking through the PICU last week. As many as you know, our son lived his short seven weeks in the PICU, so naturally going up there stirs up a lot of the hard feelings of losing him. I was walking back, and a nurse (who I am sure meant well, most everyone does) came up to me, grabbed me and hugged me. I pulled back, kind of seeing that she looked somewhat familiar, when she said (I am sorry) but the STUPIDEST questions/comments I have ever been asked. Here we go: "Oh, do you miss Ryker?!!! Is coming up here hard?!!!" Hmm... let me think about this brain-stunner for a moment. Not sure how to reply, without sounding completely rude, so I simply said "yes", and walked away. Really, I could think of LOTS of things that would be wiser to say, but that really took the cake for me!!! I would also like to share a couple other stupid comments/questions I have been blessed to hear. The reason I am sharing these, is I have realized that I need to be more sensitive towards others situations and that we are not all as fortunate as another. So here we go again. "Have you thought about having kids?" On not seeing any children with Mike and I and knowing we have been married for 4 years (gasp!). "When are you going to start trying again?" Little do they know that we have been unsuccessfully trying to have another baby since last December. "Why would you adopt when you can have children?" Umm... people do not only adopt because they can not have children, they adopt because it is right for their family. Anyways, I just realize that really, people are not meaning to be offensive, they are meaning well. But the comment comes to mind, being killed with kindness!
We have started babysitting our nephew today. This is the only nephew I have had as a patient (when he was first born) and we adore him. His personality is coming out, and I'll be honest, Aunt Em is one of the favorites! He would be crying, and then stop when Mike handed him to me. I kept telling him that he is not soft like me, and to be honest, I have boobs and thankfully he does not. :) Caden laughs and coos, and just steals our hearts. He was just about to start coo and smile in this picture! My last happening in my life is something I wanted to share, that is funny and just really brings to mind that stupid people ruin it for everyone. (Or in this case, just put you in a real great mood...not!) I was walking through the PICU last week. As many as you know, our son lived his short seven weeks in the PICU, so naturally going up there stirs up a lot of the hard feelings of losing him. I was walking back, and a nurse (who I am sure meant well, most everyone does) came up to me, grabbed me and hugged me. I pulled back, kind of seeing that she looked somewhat familiar, when she said (I am sorry) but the STUPIDEST questions/comments I have ever been asked. Here we go: "Oh, do you miss Ryker?!!! Is coming up here hard?!!!" Hmm... let me think about this brain-stunner for a moment. Not sure how to reply, without sounding completely rude, so I simply said "yes", and walked away. Really, I could think of LOTS of things that would be wiser to say, but that really took the cake for me!!! I would also like to share a couple other stupid comments/questions I have been blessed to hear. The reason I am sharing these, is I have realized that I need to be more sensitive towards others situations and that we are not all as fortunate as another. So here we go again. "Have you thought about having kids?" On not seeing any children with Mike and I and knowing we have been married for 4 years (gasp!). "When are you going to start trying again?" Little do they know that we have been unsuccessfully trying to have another baby since last December. "Why would you adopt when you can have children?" Umm... people do not only adopt because they can not have children, they adopt because it is right for their family. Anyways, I just realize that really, people are not meaning to be offensive, they are meaning well. But the comment comes to mind, being killed with kindness!
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Here is one of our favorites from when we lost our son..."It's cool though, because now you have one for sure in the Celestial Kingdom!"
ReplyDeleteYeah, real cool. Thanks.
People are dumb, that's all I can say.
ReplyDeleteAnd Congrats on the adoption profile being finished. That's huge! Now comes the hard part, waiting! The waiting always killed me.
Awe Em...just punch them in the ovaries the next time people are idiots to you! I'll fight them for you! :) (pretty sure your constant fans now think a psycho is posting on your board!) It's true, they probably do mean well but that doesn't mean that other people don't need to learn to be more sensitive and think about what they're saying. :) I love you and if you don't I will punch them in the ovaries for you! :P
ReplyDeleteThanks Abs! You are the best!
ReplyDeleteOh Em, I totally understand about the stupid comments. I get at least one every day and I normally react just as you did. Instead of saying something totally sarcastic and rude, I give a very short answer and walk away.
ReplyDeleteOne of my very favorites "At least you never brought Eden home with you, that should make it easier getting over her death!?!" WHAT!!!!!
I am so excited that you completed the adoption paperwork. I think and pray for you both everyday and I hope you do not have to wait long.
Love, Keisa
Oh Emily, nine years as a couple with NO KIDS (GASP!) I have stories for you! :) The one comment both David and I hated was, "DO YOU WANT KIDS?" As if a couple how does not have kids after so many years doesn't want them. It never crosses people's mind that they CAN'T HAVE THEM.
ReplyDeleteDavid is pretty obnoxious on occasion, and when people asked us this question (do you want kids) he would say with a straight face, "Well, Emily is sterile, and I'm impotent."
That was a conversation silencer. Seriously, you can't help people from their own stupidity and ignorance.
Congrats on your adoption profile!
People have no tact!!!You really should talk to my mom. I'm sure she has plenty of stories to tell about the nosey people who were always commenting on why my parents didn't have any children after ten years of trying! I love your honesty Emily! Hopefully those people will learn one day. Best of luck to you with your adopting!
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that people feel like they HAVE to say something. If you don't know what to say then don't say anything at all. I can't believe that another woman would ask if you miss your baby, though. It would be unnatural if you didn't. Hang in there and I know that the adoption process is going to be one of the greatest blessings in your life.
ReplyDeleteIt took us five years to finally get our little guy and people would always ask us questions about when we were going to start trying to have children. Finally I just got sick of it and so I would say "We can't have children" and walk away. I didn't even care how stupid those people were feeling at that moment because they had just humiliated me.
Wow, I'm with the girl that says punch them in the ovaries! People just really don't think before they talk. I'm sorry, if they only knew the MANY, MANY trials that you guys have gone through. You truly are such a strong person Em, I admire so much about you guys. Tell Mike hi okay!
ReplyDeleteEmily and Mike!!! I was fortunate enough to find your blog from another friends blog. I am so sorry to hear about Ryker. I knew you were expecting again but disappeared off the face of the earth before he was born. You two are an amazing couple. Good luck with the adoption. A child would be so blessed to be a part of your beautiful family!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Emily...I could go on and on about the "dumb" things people have said. I'm sure that they are not intended to be hurtful or offensive. I have learned to just take things as a grain of salt....which is VERY hard. You are amazing and I'm so glad to hear that things are on track for adoption.
ReplyDeletecongrats on getting your paperwork done. That was fast! I hope you are blessed with a baby quickly. I'm sorry for all the comments you get. We have had our fair share too. You guys are in our thoughts and prayers. We love ya.
ReplyDeleteI will admin I have been behind plenty of stupid comments and I am sure to someone, we have all said something offensive. I try not to be offended because educating is the key to solving this.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I would be devastated if I lost a child and had to hear these kinds of comments though.
On a lighter note, I'll share with you a funny story when someone stuck their foot in their mouth with me. Cheyenne was in open heart surgery and I was talking to a nice gentleman beside me. He was a minister and had a son with a developmental disability. When I explained that I had two children with down syndrome, he said "You know they found what causes that?" I was dying to hear what he was going to say as I knew it would be misinformed but also thought it would be funny. He says "Alcoholism" I told him "No, that causes Fetal Alcohol syndrome" I don't even think he got it, that he was calling me an alcoholic.
I'm praying that everything goes well and that you will soon be able to adopt a child.
I got to your blog from Grace Andersen's I will put our name in our temple and pray that your adoption wait isn't too long. Good Luck
ReplyDelete