life

I still have not gotten a new camera (probably because it kills me to buy another one when ours was so new and in theory kind of works, so I will have to upload the mobile pictures we have taken with our phone!) The semester is so close to being over, and I can not wait to spend the summer with my boys, playing at the parks, enjoying splash pads, making use of our Pass-of-All-Passes (bought for an amazing $9.99 a piece!), swimming, doing some fun projects, and just making lots and lots of memories. We are about 2 1/2 weeks away from moving, which brings such a mix of emotions. It will be a tremendous blessing to be able to put some money away and save, but the drive will not be my favorite. But how the house is set up, and with more spaces to organize, I know it will be better in trying to keep our home more organized and in turn, allowing for the spirit to continually be in our home.

Our religion had their semi-annual General Conference this last weekend, which meant a huge spiritual feast for me. I love conference so much. I love how the talks so often feel like they are written just for me. They always inspire me to be a better person, and do so in a way that is not all Hell and damnation, but done instead so that I feel such love and the desire to do better. I just feel so tremendously blessed to have the belief system that I do, as I cannot imagine how bitter I would be without it.

Collin and Jacob are growing up so quickly. Jacob could technically start nursery this month, but as his immune system is not so great, we will be waiting until warmer weather when RSV and such are not such a threat to his crummy little immune system. I am fairly sure Collin considers himself one of the parents, as he tries to boss mom, dad, Jacob, and anyone else (besides the Grandmas and Papas, and Heather.) He says the funniest little things, that I have no idea where he picked up. The favorite song of the moment for both Jacob and Collin is the BYU fight song. Collin knows just about every word, and Jacob tries to sing along too, while bouncing his arms and legs. I think Jacob will be a conductor someday, as he loves to try to "direct" the music. He loves music so much, and is just a gentle sweet little spirit.

I am still working on the weight loss goal. It is a slow and steady process, but I am vamping up my efforts. One of the huge helps is buying what we call a Bountiful basket every week. It has a ton of fruit and veggies, most of which I use every week and pay a lot for at the grocery store. It has helped me to spend less overall, and eat healthier in turn, while eating a few fruits and veggies I would not normally buy (just an FYI, most of the Bountiful basket are normal food we buy every week, any where from lettuce, tomatoes, asparagus, apples, kiwis, pineapples, mangoes, lemons, etc.) It is definitely something worth looking into, as each basket is only $15.

I think that is enough of an update. I am going to try to update on my getting healthy blog more, since when I blog there I feel more accountable, and work harder to get healthy. 

Since I've Been Gone....

Bedtime/reading time

My happy blue-eyed boy

Collin trying not be tired

Piggy back rides

Collin getting ready for Church on a monday. Creative with the tie, as he found a scrap of fabric and made it work. This kid loves church.

There is your photo bomb. Has it really been two months since I posted? I am sorry. I wish I had taken more pictures, but my camera is broken and until I either fix it or buy a new one, the pictures will become sporatic. I love these pictures. They are of my favorite times of the day, bedtime, and waking up in the morning. My boys are growing up way to fast.

Collin is funny/can drive you nuts all in the same moment. He really tries to help, and sometimes not being able to help or not being able to understand why sometimes can be frustrating. But he loves to "cook", loves to help clear the table, loves to help switch the laundry and bring his sheets and blankets into be washed. I remember reading a flier in our pediatrician's office about having kids start by at least three to help with household chores, and so we have tried to teach Collin (and once Jacob once can walk he will be "helping" too) about household responsibilities. The funniest thing he does right now is singing "I've Got the Moves Like Jagger." He totally says it more like "I've got the boofs like jack" and it just makes me laugh.

Jacob has come along way with the help of kids on the move. He cruises along furniture, crawls and butt-scoots like crazy, can hop on his bum higher than anyone I know, and a friend call him the lion-frog, since he loves to growl and hop. He says "tink-you" an awful lot, finally started calling me momma again ( I was his first word, and than he started calling me dadda) and loves to call any dog he sees "Sip." He loves food, loves his sippy cups, loves his books and toys, and loves to go for rides. He still is very much a momma's boy, and just is a pretty happy guy.

Life is still busy. We are at the halfway point of our semesters and still going strong. We will be moving at the end of the semester, and so that adds to the chaos. I am trying to fit in exercise with everything. I will update about that on my weight-loss blog. Anyways, I think that is about up to date on our life. Just the same old same old.

And after many comments about how to handle comments, I have decided to leave them on. I think the break definitely helped, and helped me to live without the need for validation :)

A Change

Once upon a time, almost exactly 4 years ago, I was very much broken. There were days I would just stay in bed, right until I absolutely had to get up. I was lost in my grief, and after a month of this, I decided to blog. I had been introduced to the concept from our friend Shauntelle as a way to keep her loved ones and  friends informed as their daughter Kaidence (Ryker's next door neighbor at PCMC for 6 weeks) fought for her little life and thought it would be very healing. It most certainly was, and now, some 480 posts later, I am still blogging. I never really did this for any fame or to become rich, although there were times I was offered money from a few companies to place ads on the blog, but I ever really felt like that was the direction I wanted to take my blog in, with a bunch of annoying (we are talking not even remotely cute) ads that would just muddle up what I was trying to say. This was one of my first posts. It was raw, and I was just wanting to express 100% what I felt and why I needed this blog. I needed those comments, needed to feel validated, needed to feel the strength others gave as we grieved our babies, went through the hells of adoption, and than the roller coaster of bringing Jacob into this world.  But as things finally settled down, I received less comments, and it almost made me sad, especially since I did not know what to blog about anymore as we had a miracle in our lives, which meant nearly zero comments. And I know that there are not as many that read this anymore, and that is okay with me. And I am okay with where our little blog is.  After reading this article, I honestly felt like i had been smacked in the stomach with the truth of the article.

So this will be the last post with comments. It is not that I do not like the comments, I just feel I am at the point where I need to ease off the addiction of blogging and the internet. I do not want to look back in ten years and think of the ways I could have spent more time with my boys. You can always contact me by e-mail littleforeverfamily@gmail.com, but forgive me in my lack of posting here as I started back school yesterday and need even more to get off the computer, spend time with my babies and do some homework when I can. Thank-you for the love, for the support, and the many many comments. They really kept us going sometimes, and I would not be where I am without the support they offered. We will still update, as we can, because it helps us to record what our boys are doing. So until later.....

Content With What We Are..........

“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I was on Facebook tonight and stumbled across this quote. I want to get up on my soapbox for a few moments, and discuss this. I have never really fit into a group. I went through elementary school always well liked, had friends that were "cool", friends that were not, and I did not care either way. When I moved into Jr. High, I grew boobs, at like the age of 14 (yeah, it sucked for me actually.) So there were boys in my stake that I would flirt with and such, and I had a "boyfriend" for about 1/2 a year (who thank heavens broke up with me, because he was "cheating" on me, more than likely because I either put on a few pounds or he knew I would not put out.) But I had my best friends, had my family, and so I never really felt overly insecure.


 I am way immature, even now, and you know would know that if you knew me, really knew me. I even annoy my husband sometimes, when I am around my family (yeah, we excuse ourselves for being immature by saying we are from west-by-gosh-virginia and did not lean any manners) not that my parents did not try to calm the zoo, we are just a wild bunch. (Case in point, holding siblings down and tickling them until they pee their pants, or having a brother jump in your face and fart. Yeah.) Anyways, I really did not even have an in-secure moment until eleventh grade band camp, when my best friend informed me I was embarrassing (and my sister) which may or may not have had something to do with shooting jello out of my nose and she actually meant it. It still did not faze me too much, just made me realize I probably did not fit in (nor would I) with the cooler band kids. I moved the end of my eleventh grade year to Florida, again had awesome friends, and moved the beginning of my senior year to Utah, and made some amazing friends that I still am best friends with (although the girls that were my age, in my ward, were not accepting or inviting, so I honestly just hung with the younger girls in those situations.)

So although I saw the competition amongst individuals in regards to social standings, I just never really felt the need to get into it. I liked being me, and being the truest me I could, was really all that mattered. And all of that stayed that way until about 4 1/2 years ago, when I came to work where I work now. You see, I work with women. And I work with a lot of them. I always say that the floor I work on (it is a mother/baby floor, yep, lots and lots of women and hormones-a-flying) oozes estrogen. I am always happy to go home to a house of boys after a few days of working. But it is the first time that I have felt the sting of working with women.


 I seriously and honestly feel like it is a constant competition. I had never known that there were so many diets, or so many boob jobs going on, or a competition to see who had the nicer house, or the nicer car, or the nicer trip, etc, etc, etc. And here's the thing, it ALL goes back to this quote. There is something in the Utah/Utah-LDS community that is something like I have never seen. "We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.” This need to compete is something I have even seen in both my family and my in-laws. I think we just lose sight of what is important. I know I have. I want to be skinny, want to be healthy and look good, want the cute house, with the perfect little family, want to be successful and take the fun trips and post them to my facebook page. But at what point does all of that begin to get in the way of what matters? Will you or I ever be content in the competition? I am always saying, "when we have this or that, I will be happy." But sometimes, those thing do not happen, or happen in a way we did not plan them to. I know that we are trying for perfection, but I am not sure the perfection we are headed for is the kind that Marjorie Pay Hinkley would be smiling down upon. 

How can I simplify my life? When my husband and I are in school, life is CRAZY! And now that we are not, for the moment, it still seems just as crazy! I know that I am supposed to go to school, but it still makes me stop and think. I feel like I am always trying to prove something. And sadly, that is mostly in dealing with family. I want people to see that I am smart, that Mike is a very hard worker, that my boys are super cute, etc, etc, etc. But I think that etc. is my downfall. Maybe I need to move away from the computer. I know I am addicted to technology. I wish I wasn't. Maybe that is where I can simplify my life. It would mean more time spent with my boys, more time with Mike, more time in my house, and more time doing service. I think I am going to have Mike hide the computer from me, at least until nap time tomorrow, and see how much more I get done. 

Anyways, I hope I did not offend. I am trying to be more honest. I honestly do not like to hurt people. It goes against every instinct in my body to hurt anything or anyone, no matter what they have done to me. I try to forgive, even if someone is not sorry, or does not recognize the hurt they have caused, as I am a very sensitive person (I blame losing my babies, as it has made me even more of a teary soul.) So again, I just want to post this quote. And leave with the goal to be a better mom and wife tomorrow. 

“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.”
― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Friends

Olive and Collin (Collin has since had a haircut, thank the shaggy heavens!)

Her American name is Gift, but her name really is Enobo (that more than likely is the wrong spelling though, sorry, I am not familiar with Nigerian spellings!)

It is interesting in taking these pictures, I do not think African typically smile during pictures, because Tui (the Dad) is the happiest smiliest person, and I could not get him to smile whenever I was taking pictures! Super cute family.

One of my biggest complaints when I moved to Utah is the lack of diversity, specifically in regards to the African American culture. I have lived in Ohio, West Virginia, and Florida, and there has always been a blend of cultures and colors of skin, Florida especially. So when I moved to Utah and saw so much white skin, it was actually quite alarming. I want my boys to see different skin colors, to learn to love and accept regardless of skin color. Utah has a rich culture of Polynesians and Latinos, and of course a dominant caucasian presence. But in the 1500 students at the high school I graduated from, I think we may have had one African American student. It may seem silly that this made me sad, but again, I love diversity. So last month, as I sat in church, I was pleasantly pleased to learn that we had a family move into our ward, that were originally from Nigeria. This cute family is remarkable. I cannot imagine moving thousands of miles, away from family and loved ones, moving to a completely different continent, different culture, with a different language. And the testimony of love that they share is something to behold. We have begun a friendship with this wonderful family that I hope will blossom into them considering us family. And their little girls are two of the most beautiful girls I have seen.

Cute Vera, she is 7 months old!

I am grateful to have this family as neighbors and in our folds as they are wonderful people.

Pictures of the Boys

I realized today I never finished posting the pictures we had taken of the boys this last September. They were too cute to not share. So here they are, in random order :)

The Reason for the Season

 I adore these two boys. They can make me laugh, cry, pull-my-hair-out, yell, laugh and cry some more. Mike and I work 12 hour shifts at the hospital, and so there are no reinforcements walking through the door at 5, as we work until at least 6:30, sometimes 7 for Mike. So patience is something we most definitely have had to learn, since the days we are home these two cute boys are demanding the attention they want and should get. And I love sticking them in matching jammies and clothes, it is just too cute!

I have loved this time of year, more than years past. Collin has been excited about Christmas since August (oh yeah, this kid loves him some Christmas!) I always fancied myself the hard-core Christmas lover, but Collin puts me to shame. How many 2 year olds do you know that knows the words to almost every Christmas song there ever was, or yells at his parents for turning Christmas lights off? (don't worry, sassiness does not get far in our home.) Collin was actually the one who helped me decorate the tree, and string the cranberry/popcorn garland.  *BTW, I am working on the Christmas tree post, so I will post pictures of that later this week! *

Their enthusiasm is just so catching. I am trying to instill in them the real meaning of Christmas. We have two toy set manger scenes, and they are played with both by Collin and Jacob. When you live in such a materialistic society, it is difficult to shun them from what Christmas has become, one filled with people fighting over toys and gadgets and making Christmas all about what you get, not what you give. So I am planning caroling, making goodies for neighbors, and we even get the blessing of sharing our Christmas with another family that is new to this country. That is what makes Christmas, stretching your heart to allow more love in. So while I know this next week will be hard with Ryker's angel day quickly approaching, I will look to the joy we will experience sharing the joy of our Savior, the greatest gift ever, with our sweet guys. And to end this post, I just want to share a sweet little movie. 

Reminds me of my boys. 

Merry Christmas!!!