Need a Haircut

Since our lives have been pretty crazy the last two months, I have neglected some parts of life that did not seem very necessary. Collin needs a haircut (number 10 or 11 for him) and I am in horrible need of one too. I want something different, so I looked at some pictures and found some that could potentially work for me. Now keep in mind, I do not have the awesome hairstylists/make-up artists these lovely ladies have on hand, but I think the styles would work with me! 

Seriously wish I had her eyes, the fabulous make-up, and dress. She is seriously so pretty! But I love the softness of the cut, and the angles of the layers. Could I get some stylist too please?

This is someone who I personally find tacky, but her hair style/cut is pretty darn cute and actually looks darling and simple to maintain.

And here is #3. So what do you think? I will post a picture from the make-over last year, since that gives the best shot of my face (although my hair is very different from than, since I am pretty much back to my natural color of brown and of course my hair is different.)

I am not blonde, although considering either adding some softer highlights or softening the brown, but I am just itching for some change and to get my hair to an easier point so as to be less maintenance. So hoping for some feedback, and hoping to do something cute with it!

Getting Excited

I think I need to take some pictures because apparently Mike needs something to break up all the "word" posts. :) So I promise to work on that. We had a celebration dinner tonight. What were we celebrating, might you ask? Getting to move to one-a-week appointments! Our appointment went really great today. We even had Collin with us (we were pretty nervous since this was the first time he tagged along with us!) He was cute and was on his best behavior. Our baby is stable, with the same teeny little pocket on the right side of the chest and the same amount on the left. The shunt is still in place, and everything looks pretty good (all things considered!) The tech took some semi-cute pictures of our little guy in 4-D (cute because he is ours  but I still think ultrasound pictures are just not that cute) and I will have to scan them when Collin is awake, since the printer/scanner is in his room. And whatever-his-name-will-be looks a lot like his big brother Ryker. It is pretty cute to see such strong similarities. They have the same little nose, the same frown lines, and are just both so cute! The doctors are just astounded at how things look, considering how sick he was and how much fluid there was. Our perinatologist is funny because he keps calling in his colleagues to show off how great our baby looks. He is one proud doc. I go next week for a fetal echo at Primary's, and our doctor told us to tell our way funny cardiologist that he needs to tell us exactly what is happening and how this has all happened. And we seriously will, since we love to give our cardiologist a good laugh. I love being on the positive side of things, and living the miracle. Because even with the fluid, we can actually start to make plans for our baby. What a miracle to be able think and plan the "little" things, about how we will layout Collin's room (since he will be sharing with his little brother, or the blankets/bottles/outfits/etc. It makes us smile. He still has a journey, but knowing that we can make plans for him brings us a lot of peace. I know that we could never be where we are without the prayers and fasting for our baby from our friends, family, and all of you. Love befuddling the doctors in a good way.

Somber

I had another good appointment yesterday. Our little guy is stable and although there appeared to be a bit more fluid on the left side than on Monday, we still are feeling good about how he looks. We are grateful for that. Starting to allow a little more hope that we will be able to hopefully bring this little boy home safe and sound.

My somberness stems from my little brother. He is in Afghanistan, which if you ever hear an ounce of news, you know it is a scary and unstable place. I miss him like crazy, as I know the rest of my family does, especially his sweet wife. I got to talk to him last night, via Facebook. It still is crazy to me how someone can be around the world and you can still communicate pretty easily with that person. I loved talking to him, but it broke my heart. Jacob has always wanted to be a soldier. It was a good step for him. He has been in the National Guard since he was 17, and has provided structure that he needed. But Jake has always been the sweet brother, the soft-hearted soul. Out of every family member on both sides, the one person I worried about the most when we lost Lilly and than Ryker was Jacob, because I knew it would hurt and wound him so badly. In talking to my sweet brother, he talked of what he has been through since he has been in the country. I am afraid he will never be able to overcome the Hells he has seen and experienced. I want him to tell me, so that I can support him, but it makes me cry to hear everything. He talked about his unit being attacked in the middle of the night, being bombed as he made his way back from the bathroom.  I will not go into the politics of this war, but I just wish it could be over. I just wish that no one ever had to worry about their loved ones going to war, of the physical and emotional turmoil they would face, during and after.  So tonight, when you say your prayers, please pray for our troops. Please pray for my brother Jacob. Pray that they will be kept safe, that they may be able to return home to their families and that the emotional scars may not be heavy. Love you Jake.

Thankful for Miracles

I am calling it a miracle, because to me it is. We had our perinatology appointment today. The tech was scanning, and she has not seen us in a few weeks. So she was shocked to see such little fluid. Dr. S. came in and scanned, and was just amazed. The right side of the chest has barely anything, a teeny tiny pocket of fluid at the front of the chest, so small it really is next to nothing (especially comparing the amount it had just last week.) The left still has a bit, but there is shunt in place to drain, so we are not concerned. I still have to go twice a week, but he says that if things continue to look as good as they are (or dare I say better?) that we are looking toward delivering at the full-term mark!!! I am so excited, still nervous, but excited!!! I am 28 weeks and 3 days. I delivered Lilly at 37 weeks and 5 days, and delivered Ryker at 37 weeks and 1 day. 37 weeks is full-term, so if I could get our baby to anything past we would just be thrilled!!! We have been so nervous the last five weeks, and cannot even believe how different our baby's lungs look from than till now. I cannot think it is anything less than a miracle to get to where we are. We just pray things continue to look as good. So thank-you for the prayers. This little boy is a fighter. He still has a road, but at least he is moving in the right direction. :)

A Great Day

I have been very, very anxious about today. Even sitting in the waiting room today, I just could not shake my anxiety. Our doctor returned today. It was wonderful to see him, since he has seen us through a lot. I asked both sets of parents to be there, because there was supposed to be a care conference. But the awesome part is that they did not need too. This little guy actually looked better! I am carrying quite a bit of fluid, but the good news is that our little guy seems to have less. His right side actually looks like it has decreased, and to me pretty significantly. This is wonderful and amazing, since he does not have the shunt to drain the fluid on that side. And there is very little on the left side, so the shunt appears to be working. And the doctor said it is debatable if there edema on the chest.

 He feels like maybe this is congenital chylothorax. I am not sure if I have discussed chylorthorax before. It is something we actually have experience with. Every body has a lymphatic system. The lymphatic system is important to the body's defense mechanisms. The cardiovascular system and lymphatic system are closely related, and run through the body somewhat similarly. It filters out organisms that cause disease, produces certain white blood cells and generates antibodies. Lymph is a milky body fluid that contains a type of white blood cells, called "lymphocytes," along with proteins and fats. When heart surgery is performed, it is very easy to nick the lymphatic system, which causes the lymph to dump into the pleural space (around the lungs.) So Mike had Chylothorax when he had heart surgery when he was 12. Ryker also had Chylo, as well as our niece Gracie. Treatment is the placement of a chest tube and diet without fats. Now similarly, there is a condition called Congenital Chylothorax. It is caused by an abnormality when the lymph system is developing. It can have several causes, and than sometimes no apparent cause. It usually resolves itself anywhere from in-utero to after the baby is born. So when we see less fluid, we are hoping that maybe the suspected case of chylothorax is resolving itself. 

They are still monitoring twice a week, because we do not know what will happen, but we have more hope today than we have in a long time. I just long to be able to hold my sweet baby in my arms. We long for him to be healthy and not have to experience physical pain. There is nothing worse than seeing your child in pain and having to suffer. Breaks your heart. So we are crossing our fingers, that this little miracle holds and that possibly we are seeing him on the road to the fluid resolving itself. We still have some road bumps, and I still will have to deliver at the University of Utah, but there truly is so much hope for this baby. We are pretty worn out right now. Collin has been sick. So when you have a beautiful day like today, it brings peace.

Our Appointment

We had our biweekly appointment today with maternal fetal medicine. Our regular doctor will be back in the office Thursday, and another appointment is set for than. I actually really liked the doctor that I met Thursday and that we saw again today. She is very kind and seems firm on getting a plan in place. She was going to call all of the other doctors today, and set up a care conference for later this week. She talked with our doctor on Friday, and even talked again with both of the fetal surgeons also. She wants everyone to meet together (some of that will be via conference calls) so that we can work out a plan and have everyone on the same page. She said the goal is to get me to 32 weeks. Later would be great, but with Hydrops, you just never know. She is worried that with me hitting 28 weeks this week, that we could need a plan in place in the event they have to take the baby before the optimal 32 weeks (shall I add here that 32 weeks plus would be optimal of course?) So she wants a plan for what to do in different scenarios if something changes before the 32 weeks mark. Do we place another shunt, do we drain fluid, do we deliver the baby? The problems with placing more shunts is that anytime you do something that punctures through the amniotic sac, you risk labor. And the more pokes, the greater the risk for rupturing, labor, infection, etc. And when they drain fluid, it seems to come back almost by the next day. The doctor told us today that the point of getting fluid is not to give more room for the lungs, but to keep the hydrops from further spreading because of the pressure it places on the heart, thus impairing optimal heart function. I hope this little guy can cook longer and be healthy until 32 weeks, but we have many unknowns.

So what did we see with our little guy today? He looked pretty good last Thursday, and we were hoping to see the same picture again. Things could have looked worse (and we saw him looking pretty blah last Monday) but things did not look as good as last Thursday. The fluid on the right has stayed about the same. But there was a small pocket of fluid on the left. The shunt was still in place, which is good, but there is some edema on the skin again. Still, not as bad as it has been. This is one of the reasons I go in twice a week, to monitor how things look. We are still optimistic, and the doctor was really positive. Seeing her felt something remotely close to our doctor, just that she really seemed on the same page as he has been with us and she was sincere. But we are anxious to see Dr. S. back, because really he is truly the best. The technician wanted to show us some fun things, so without even asking her, she did some 3-D pictures. Now I am not one of those Moms to say the ultrasounds are cute and they look like so and so. I love seeing my children, but really and truly I think ultrasound pictures make the babies look like little aliens. Hope I did not offend anyone with that, just a personal opinion. But it was cute seeing him with skin and just seeing him almost cuddling against the wall of the placenta. So I guess you could say he was cute as you can be without being seen in person. He had hiccups again, which thrilled the doctor. And he was drinking the fluid again. I think that is about it.  Sorry for the novels, it is just a lot of information to take in and this is the best way to keep everyone updated.

Feeling Prettty Darn Good

I was talking to my mother-in-law tonight, and she made the comment "you sound so much better." It is true. I was so miserable for such a long time. Might be T.M.I. (too much information) but my OBGYN thinks I had a UTI (urinary tract infection) from the middle of May till now. That mixed with emotional turmoil makes a pregnant mom miserable. But really, I am feeling better than I have in a while. I am still tired, still chasing an almost 18 month old, still carrying a lot of fluid, but better. I am still nervous about our little guy. I am more optimistic than I have been in a long time, and hopeful he will one day be home with us. But I still worry about the what-ifs and will-he's (what if the shunt comes out, what if it stops working, will he come early, will he come home to us?) but I am just trying to enjoy the positives. Our little guy is so active. He was somersaulting last night, and Mike kept laughing at how active he is. Mike loves to feel him move and kick at his hand. I think it truly makes this more real for him. We think he is a night owl, although that being said he still wiggles a lot through the day. He is just really more active at night. I love his wiggles and kicks. I sometimes wonder if it is the last time I will feel a child grow and kick inside of me. But like I said,

I am trying to enjoy the "good" moments. 

This was the first day in nearly a month that Mike and I were both home with Collin, without having any doctor appointments. Poor Collin I think has started to sense the stress of everything, that things are not only hard but about to change. So we decided to spend some quality time with him, and take him to the Farm Country at Thanksgiving Point. Mike and I had a lot of fun with Collin and he loved every moment of it! I have to do a funny comparative picture of the last time we tried to take Collin to Farm Country.

 Collin and Mike September 2009

When we took Collin to Farm Country last September, he HATED it!!! He cried, screamed, and probably felt like it was the end of the world. Even the harmless bunnies were terrifying! This time was a blast for him.

 So today he was tickled to see so many of his favorite animals up close (and sometimes too personal!) He would make us a little nervous (sticking fingers into cages or near mouths) and with the larger animals sometimes he was unsure, but all and all he just had a lot of fun with the animals.

He loved the goats. We gave him corn kernels to feed them, and Collin thought it was pretty funny having a goat lick his hand. 

He would want to pet them, and the goat was not sure that was so much fun, so Mike did his best to keep our little curious guy from losing any fingers. 

This is probably my favorite picture. Like I said, Collin loves animals. He loves baby animals even more. He was so soft with the little baby goat (she was only about 1 1/2 months old.) He just kept softly petting her and saying "soft" (something we are trying very hard to get across to him since he likes to hit.) But with a new baby hopefully coming into our family, he has to learn to be soft and not hit. But it is so sweet to see him so gentle and realizing how sweet and new this little goat is.

He loves horses, and has a pretty good horse's neigh sound down. And whenever he sees a horse, he starts his neighing. Although Collin liked the horse, I think he was a little shocked how big his beloved horses really are. Still wanted to pet them though.

Another of Collin's loves are ducks. He knows ducks and even likes to "quack-quack" when he sees one (whether in real life or his rubber ducks.) I do not think he appreciated being so separated from the ducks. Collin usually is allowed to get closer to the ducks while feeding them.

And here is Collin with the bunnies. The picture at the top just shows how funny different ages and stages affect how kids feel around animals. That picture still makes me laugh :)

Collin rode the pony (with Dad at his side the whole time!) I am not sure what he thought. He seemed to be getting tired, so after about 4 turns he was ready to get off. I think he was more interested in petting the horses, because when we pulled him away from petting the mane of the pony, he was not a happy camper. 

My favorite part of the day was this cute heifer. She seemed to be sporting a runny nose, and really enjoyed the corn we fed her. But feeding her was pretty gross, because she would lick the corn off your hand with her huge wet tongue. So not only would you get cow slobber, you would get snot from her runny nose also. Pretty gross, but she was still cute. She was really good about allowing the kids to pet her.

And that is the end of our Farm Country visit. I think Collin loved having both Mike and I, without being shuffled off to family and friends as we headed to appointments. He has really tried to be so good throughout the last 3-4 weeks, but I know he has missed the time he gets to spend with us. He had a Mommy day today, wanting me to hold him, and give him loves. I was more than happy to oblige. Tomorrow will probably be a switch to Dad, and after days like today getting lots of kisses and loves, I am okay with that.

Whew, time to sign off on this novel. I have an appointment Monday and probably Thursday, and we are hoping to see the shunt on our little guy still working and for him to grow and look good. Hopefully we have many more good days to look forward too!